Healing from a break-up
“Love sparkles like honey from a jar, sweet and vibrant.
Love darkens like honey if left aside for too long.
Love can also break apart like a glass jar that protects the honey, forever gone.”
As a poet, I have the tendency to pour out all my emotions into writing. It was my only comfort and method to be honest with myself. This is one of the poems I wrote when my relationship ended with someone I used to love very much. It felt like my time was at a standstill because I wasn’t able to heal for a few months. Even though it lasted for just 4 months, my world was constantly sparkling when he was with me, his presence filled up my heart to the brim. However, the happy moments only lasted until we discovered that we weren’t right for each other. We knew that it was time to leave.
So…what if things don't work out with your partner and the relationship comes to an end? It can be very overwhelming when trying to get over being heartbroken. You're at a loss of what to do next when you're too used to your partner's presence always surrounding your daily life. And often, you’ll feel that the love you’ve spent your time on was not enough for the other person. But it is perfectly normal and it’s all part of the healing process.
Here are 6 bite-sized tips on what helped me heal from a break-up:
1. Delete their contact and pictures you had together
When you miss them, you may have the tendency to scroll through previous texts and voice messages too. Don't save their number on your phone; it might urge you to text and call them even after the break-up because you wonder how they are doing. Deleting their pictures also helps you to not reminisce about the memories you had together. By doing that, it’s your first brave step to start out your healing process!
2. Remove yourself from social media
Keep yourself away from social media for a period of time, as it’s good to let yourself be away from mindless scrolling and looking at photographs of other couples. It might remind yourself of the relationship you used to have and yearn for the love you’ve lost.
3. Hang out with your friends and family
Spend some time with your friends for a meal or to watch a movie, or any activity that helps you to enjoy yourself with them. Even planning for an overseas trip or spending some quality time on the weekend can help you relax and let your mind be filled with happy moments while you’re with your loved ones. Not only that, I’m sure having the best company and best food is the perfect combination!
If you’re not someone who prefers hanging out with others while handling a break-up, it is totally okay to go out by yourself for shopping or grabbing a meal that makes you happy! I did that before and it makes me feel better too.
4. Talk about your feelings
Remember that the healing process is also about being honest with how you feel instead of bottling up those feelings of guilt, sadness or anger in your heart that might constantly hurt you unconsciously. Talk to anyone you trust, be it your friends or family. Be patient with yourself and only speak about it when you’re ready to come to terms with the break-up. It is okay to take your time, everyone heals at a different pace and in different ways!
Your feelings are always valid, don’t forget that! You’re not alone in this.
5. Engage in new hobbies or volunteering
Find new activities that you have always been interested in but haven’t given much thought about. Attend webinars and workshops that can expand your creativity or networking events to meet new people and hear new perspectives. You might find yourself enjoying activities that you thought you wouldn’t. Sign up for volunteering in an animal shelter or a social issue. Doing acts of kindness can help to boost your self-confidence and even increase your motivation.
6. Practise self-care habits
Practise self-care when you have the time away from a hectic day from work or a heavy load of schoolwork. For example, you could buy a simple notebook and some coloured pens and highlighters to decorate your journal and pen down your thoughts by acknowledging and processing them properly. Buy something you’ve always had your eye on, be it an eye-catching necklace or a new game that was released, or treat yourself to something good! Or perhaps do some meditation at night before you sleep so that you have a good night's rest. Any activity that helps you to relax your tense body and also your mind especially if you’re feeling a lot of emotions after the break-up.
“Love is also a form of courage to be able to let someone go.
Love means picking up the pieces, and picking yourself again.”
This is always something I tell myself, to love myself before anyone else. I hope you’ll love yourself, and always know that you deserve a love that treats and respects you wholeheartedly.