How to break up with a friend
Friendships. They're supposed to be the easy part of life, right? But sometimes, they're anything but. Just like romantic relationships, friendships can fizzle out, become toxic, or simply reach a natural end. It is a known fact that not every friend we meet will be with us forever. And unlike dating, there's no rule book for navigating a friend breakup. It can be awkward, painful, and confusing. You're not alone if you're struggling with this. It's tough. But sometimes, ending a friendship is the healthiest thing you can do for yourself.
Have the ‘Talk’
Nobody wants to have "the talk" with a friend they're breaking up with. It takes serious courage. But ghosting – simply disappearing – is rarely the kindest or most mature option. Think about it: how would you feel? It's hurtful and leaves the other person wondering what they did wrong. While meeting face-to-face is ideal, a phone call is a decent second option if you can't meet up. The point is: communicate.
Here are some tips for preparing for this conversation:
Choose the right time and place: Don't spring this on them when they're stressed or in a public place where they can't react privately.
"I" statements are your friend: It's less accusatory and helps your friend understand your feelings without feeling attacked. For example, "I felt excluded when..." is gentler than "You always leave me out."
Be honest, but kind: You don't need to list every single thing they've ever done wrong. Focus on the core reasons why the friendship isn't working for you anymore. Be truthful, but deliver the message with compassion.
Listen: Give them a chance to respond. They might have a different take on things, and even if you're not going to reconcile, hearing them out can offer some closure.
Know your goal: Are you hoping for a resolution? Do you simply need to express your feelings and part ways? Having a clear intention will help guide the conversation.
Inform Them That You Value the Friendship
What most people might not realise is that while you might have planned to end the friendship through the talk, there may be a small glimmer of hope that the differences could be resolved to fix the friendship. Regardless, it will be less stressful if you can also share what you appreciate about them. Did your friend help you through a slump, support your decisions, or make you something you will never forget? Celebrate and treasure those times before saying goodbye to the friendship.
Don’t Overuse Platitudes
Oftentimes, declarations like ‘We can still stay connected’ or ‘See you next time’ are said to soften the blow of the truth. It might imply that things could work out between the two of you in the future. While you might have the best intentions, the one on the receiving end may not necessarily feel good when they hear some of these commonly-used statements. Even if you run out of things to say, be conscious of what you choose to say to the other person. It’s okay to let silence take over the conversation if you need more time to think of what to say.
What Happens After
Ending a friendship, even a toxic one, can be surprisingly emotional. You might feel sad, angry, relieved, or a weird mix of everything. All of those feelings are valid. Let yourself grieve the loss of the friendship. Talk to your other friends, write in a journal, binge-watch your favourite show – whatever helps you process your emotions. Be kind to yourself. Healing takes time.
And remember, ending a friendship doesn't make you a bad person. Sometimes, it's the most courageous and self-respecting thing you can do. It makes space for healthier, more supportive friendships to come into your life.
References
Cuncic, A., MA. (2023, October 24). It Sucks, But Sometimes Ending a Friendship Is Necessary—Here's How to Do It. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-end-friendship-4174037
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