Questions to ask yourself to clarify your values

Tips & Resources
Written By Nur Syafiqah M

Ever feel like you're just... existing? Like you're on a hamster wheel, but not really sure where you're going? You're not alone. What if the key to finding your purpose isn't out there somewhere, but inside you? Let's explore how understanding your values can lead to a more grounded and fulfilling life.

Clarifying What Matters

Okay, so you're probably thinking, 'Values...why should I care?' It's more than just a buzzword – it's about understanding yourself on a deeper level. It can help you make better decisions (no more agonising over every little thing!), reduce stress (because you're living in alignment with what matters most), and boost your overall sense of fulfilment. And that's not all – clear values also lead to stronger relationships, as you're better able to communicate your needs and boundaries.

Ready to dive in?  Below are some questions to get you thinking about what truly matters to you. Take your time with them – there are no right or wrong answers, just honest reflections.

Your North Star: What Truly Guides You?

Let's start with the essentials. These questions delve into your core values – the fundamental principles that guide your life, your decisions, and your sense of purpose. These are the values that are most important to you, regardless of external pressures or expectations.

  • What activities do I find myself drawn to?

  • What do you find yourself thinking about when you have quiet time?

  • If you could teach one lesson to everyone, what would it be?

  • Imagine your ideal day – what does it involve?

  • What are your non-negotiables in relationships?

  • What are your biggest sources of inspiration?

  • What truly brings you joy and satisfaction?

The Experiences That Shaped You

Our past experiences, both positive and negative, have a profound impact on shaping our values. These questions invite you to reflect on key moments in your life to identify the values that were at play and how they influenced your choices and feelings

  • Think about a time you felt truly proud of yourself. What were you doing?

  • What experiences have shaped you the most?

  • What are some moments in your life you wouldn't trade for anything?

  • What are some things you regret NOT doing? What values might they reflect?

  • What were some of the most influential books, movies, or other media you consumed? What did they evoke in you?

  • Think about a time you felt deeply conflicted. What values were clashing?

  • Who are the people you admire most, and why? What qualities do they possess?

Envisioning Your Ideal Future

Where do you want to go from here? These questions encourage you to reflect on the past, look ahead and consider your aspirations for the future. By clarifying your values, you can create a vision for the life you want to live and identify the steps needed to get there.

  • What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind?

  • What are your long-term goals?

  • If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?

  • What risks are you willing to take to live a life aligned with your values?

Navigating Trade-offs and Staying True to Yourself

Living by your values isn't always easy. These questions explore the challenges and trade-offs you might face in upholding your values in real-world situations. Understanding these challenges can help you navigate them more effectively.

  • What are some things you're willing to sacrifice for your values?

  • What are some common challenges you face in living by your values?

  • What are some situations where it's difficult to uphold your values?

  • Are there any areas in your life where your actions don't align with your values? What can you do about that?

Values and Belonging: Finding Your Place in the World

Our values play a crucial role in our relationships with others and our connection to the wider community.  These questions examine how your values influence your interactions with friends, family, partners, and the world around you.

  • What qualities do you look for in your friends and partners?

  • What values are most important to you in your relationships?

  • What kind of community do you want to be a part of?

  • What kind of impact do you want to have on the world?

Recognising Your Core Values

Once you've answered these questions honestly and thoughtfully, it's time to look for the patterns. What words or phrases keep showing up again and again? Are there any underlying beliefs that connect your different answers? For example, if you often mention enjoying freedom and independence, "freedom" might be a core value. Now, take a moment to identify your top 5 to 10 core values. These represent the most significant beliefs that guide your decisions. Don't worry about getting it perfect right away. Your understanding of your values might adapt, and that's okay."

The Next Step

So, there you have it – a journey into the heart of what truly matters to you. It's a lot to think about, and the process of clarifying your values is an ongoing one. Don't expect to have all the answers overnight. Be patient with yourself, and embrace the evolving nature of your values as you grow and learn.

If you're feeling overwhelmed or would like to explore this further, remember that support is available. Consider discussing your values with a trusted friend, family member, therapist, or counsellor. They can provide a safe and supportive space for you to process your thoughts and feelings.

References 

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Nur Syafiqah M
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