What is it like to take medication for your mental health?
Until now, the stigma associated with taking psychiatric medication continues to persist, posing a barrier for people to seek mental health treatment. Concerns around taking psychiatric medication range from the fear that one would be judged if others found out about their reliance on medication, the desire to avoid the side effects of treatment, to the discouragement from family members.
As the effects of medication can vary from person to person, we asked two members in our volunteer community about what their experience of taking medication for their mental health has been like for them, in hopes to demystify concerns and questions that you might be having around the effects and effectiveness of medication on mental health.
Would you be open to sharing what kind of medication you were prescribed and for what? What was it like to take medication for the first time?
YY: I was prescribed Abilify and Zoloft for my bipolar disorder about 6 years ago. While I was okay with taking the antidepressant, Zoloft, I was extremely hesitant about taking Abilify, which is an antipsychotic, as the very word itself scared me.
IS: I was prescribed Ritalin for my ADHD 18 years ago.I remember it being very bitter to take, but I had to take it as my ADHD was out of control at the age of 5. It was really scary that I was introduced to this medicine, as it looked like a very small white pill but it packs a punch to the brain's neurotransmitters.
What feelings came up when you were first prescribed medication for your mental health? Did you have to battle any internal and/or external stigma?
YY: I had known for a long while that something was very wrong. So, when I was prescribed medication I honestly wasn’t surprised, but it finally dawned on me that there’s something about my brain chemistry that requires tweaking. While I don’t face much external stigma (mainly because only a handful of people around me know that I take medication), I often have trouble battling my internal stigma. However, it wasn’t difficult for my parents to accept that I have to take medication as I have a familial history of mental health disorders.
But I have, at times, stopped taking my medication against my doctor’s advice, simply because I thought I was feeling better and so didn’t need to continue taking it, or because I didn’t want to be on antipsychotics. Needless to say, I always ended up having to go back on medication again shortly afterwards.
I’ve now made peace with the fact that I’ll likely be on these medications for the long term, and as such don’t think about it much anymore. I now understand that medication is extremely helpful in treating my mental health condition, and that it helps me lead a normal and fulfilling life; without it, I don’t think I would be functioning very well at all!
IS: When I was 5, I didn't know what ADHD is to me, and neither did my mum. We were given a full explanation by a psychiatrist of what it meant and my mum was scared because it's something that can continue into the adult phase of life. But at that point in time, I was so erratic and very hyper that it was made necessary to take the medications. Taking the medication caused a very big change in the brain, and I was able to be more focused and alert. It felt like I was supercharged. When I went to school, I was told to keep my ADHD a secret as it could make others view me as a “weird” person because at that point in time, society wasn't really accepting of people with mental health issues. True enough, I was being bullied at school due to my nature and I was involved in a lot of fights. In secondary school and junior college, I made a very conscious effort to hide my ADHD and I had to adopt a new character so as to be able to blend in with other people. Somehow, it failed as a few keen observers managed to spot it and questioned me about it, though I found it very uncomfortable to speak about.
At home, there were two different responses from my mum and dad in terms of taking care of me. My mum would discipline me to behave like a normal person and not be short-tempered, whereas my dad was really lax, as my dad saw that disciplining me restricted me from becoming an actual person. Personally for me, I found it quite weird to be diagnosed with ADHD. My mum kept telling me that it runs in this family (she probably did this to cheer me up which helped a lot) and I found myself feeling sad that I can't be a normal person because I have always wanted to be normal. But over the years of self-introspection, I found my ADHD to be a blessing in disguise as my quirkiness and me being hyper allowed people to bond together quite easily.
Did you experience any side effects?
YY: Well, it’s not a side effect per se, but sometimes it feels like my brain is a little slower. I suppose it’s because I’m used to my thoughts being on overdrive, and when it’s back to normal levels, I find my mind to be a bit more sluggish in comparison. Sometimes there’s a bit of a brain fog as well, but I find that to be manageable in comparison with the symptoms of my disorder.
IS: When I took Ritalin, there were numerous side effects ranging from increased metabolism, a decrease in appetite, increased heart rate and increased anxiety levels. To counteract this side effect, I had to take Xanax which is an antidepressant drug that causes me to feel sleepy and become really relaxed.
How long did it take before it started to positively affect your mental health? Did you have to try out different brands and dosages before you found the right mix?
YY: It took a few weeks before I saw positive changes. Over time, I realised I became less manic and my depression lifted, becoming more bearable. Along the way I made changes, like dropping Abilify for a while, and then trying out Latuda and Quetiapine, though I was on them for only a short while. As for the dosage, to be honest, I’m still adjusting it to find the perfect fit, as my symptoms have changed slightly in the past few months. It’s taking a while, but I know I’ll get there!
IS: It took a few weeks for me to be able to notice changes in my behaviour and my attention span too. I felt really better overall, and I continued taking it regularly until I was in my 20s when I realised that I no longer needed it as much as I felt that my erratic behaviour had gone down and that I was feeling better on my own. There were a couple of times when I just needed the Ritalin to correct my behaviour, but most of the time I am completely on my own. Along the way, I was introduced to new drugs like Medikinet as I had problems sustaining attention for more than 2 hours and above. Examinations in Junior college sometimes lasted more than 2 hours, and I had a tough time concentrating on it. I do also realise that the new drug is very powerful in terms of what it does to the chemicals in the brain. It allowed me to be fully aware and alert for almost 3 hours and above. So I had to adapt to it by taking it with a heavy meal and then taking Xanax to make the effects wane after exams were finished.
Is there anything you wish you knew before you started taking medication for your mental health?
YY: I wish I knew about the side effects before starting; I wasn’t able to continue on Latuda and Quetiapine because of that. I also wished I knew what exactly they did – in my experience they don’t cure mental health disorders, but lessen the symptoms to a tolerable degree. There’s still work to be put in to make sure I don’t trigger a bout of mania, or that I know how to take care of myself during a depressive episode. I’ve also learned to be more honest and open with my psychiatrist in terms of what I’m struggling with, so the dosage can be adjusted.
IS: I wish I knew early on that medication alone won’t get you far in terms of establishing new behaviours like being less erratic, as medication has a time span of how long the drug can affect the person. By being more self-introspective and by talking to people in your daily life, you can be more aware of how people may view you and how to take criticism more constructively when people tell you about your mental condition. From there, you are able to make adjustments that will reap more rewards for you as you start to realise that you become the person that you wanted to be in terms of character and behaviour.