Tips To Support A Partner With An Anxious Attachment Style
The way we relate to others, called our attachment style, is largely influenced by our childhood. It can be healthy (secure) or unhealthy (insecure), and it definitely affects how we connect with people as adults. You can check out your attachment style through this quiz.
It is pretty common for people to have an insecure attachment style, where you can either have an anxious, avoidant or a disorganised attachment style. You can read more about the different attachment styles through this article.
It is a process to slowly progress to being secure, which may be helped by a mental health professional. That said, if you have an anxious attachment style, you can check out this article to get tips on how to manage your own anxious attachment style.
If your partner has an anxious attachment style, they might think that they are unlovable when you aren’t super affectionate. They get really scared of being left alone, and they might depend on you to make them feel good. Ways that this may manifest in everyday life is that they might constantly seek reassurance, be overly sensitive to changes in your mood or behaviour, constantly monitor your whereabouts or activities, want to spend excessive amounts of time with you or experience intense jealousy or suspicion.
This article aims to focus on how you can support a partner with an anxious attachment style:
Communicate honestly
Openly discuss potential relationship triggers (behaviours or situations) for your partner’s anxiety. Create a safe space for them to express concerns freely. Listen attentively, seeking to understand their underlying emotions. Respond with patience, keep calm and avoid dismissing their anxieties. Offer your understanding and support in navigating these challenges together.
Validate their emotions and offer regular reassurance
Validate their feelings with empathy, even if you don't fully understand their anxieties. Acknowledge that they may stem from past experiences that can take time to process and heal. Offer consistent reassurance and support, checking in regularly. Create a safe and supportive space where they feel comfortable expressing themselves without fear of judgment.
Set healthy boundaries and encourage independence
Healthy relationships foster mutual respect and value. Set clear boundaries to prevent unhealthy codependency. Encourage your partner's independence by supporting their personal growth and allowing them to pursue their own interests. Strong and healthy relationships thrive when both partners feel secure in their own identity and have the freedom to flourish.
If you find that you or your partner’s attachment style is impacting your relationship in a way that feels challenging, please remember that you are not alone. Seeking professional guidance from a therapist can provide a safe and supportive space to explore these patterns, develop healthier communication skills, and build more fulfilling connections.