What brought me to therapy
People often remark to me that I seem highly intentional.
I always have the same reply; therapy and reflection enable greater intentionality and self-awareness.
It is unfortunate that a negative stigma holds many people back from making good use of therapy as a powerful tool for living a healthy and happy life.
My own use of this powerful tool and the decision to make it a regular habit has given me confidence and a clear view of what I want to do with my life and how I want to spend my time.
What brought me to therapy
As a sophomore in college, I had a work-study job in the library. During a slow shift with three students on duty, two of us asked the third to cover while we went to the staff area to practice a presentation we had the following day.
A white man in his 60s approached me with an onslaught of harsh words, going on a tirade about how I was lazy, that I wasn’t good enough to be at Wharton, that I took the spot of someone who actually deserved it. The words were jarring; however, the hatred in this stranger's eyes was far more disturbing.
I didn’t know how to respond. This man was three times my age and in a position of authority. Regrettably, my gut reaction was to apologize. And so I did.
The man walked away and I was left standing in shock alongside my classmate, a white male, who remarked about how odd it was that the guy’s wrath was directed solely at me. Although it felt obvious that the anger was racially motivated, I wasn’t in the right headspace to process what had happened.
I later shared the experience with some black classmates at Penn. They offered their support, shared similarly painful encounters, and attempted to help me laugh about the experience. Although this provided some short-term relief, it didn’t address the deeper issues.
It wasn’t so much that I placed value in what this older man said; rather, the words sparked feelings of inadequacy and further fueled the imposter syndrome that I had already been grappling with as an underrepresented minority and first-generation college student at an Ivy League institution.
These insecurities were distracting and I wanted to holistically address them so that I could move forward with greater confidence.
I decided to give therapy a try.
Starting therapy
My initial sessions were spent discussing the floodgate of insecurities opened up by what had happened in the library as well the shame that I felt because I did not stand up for myself.
Over time, I realized that the growth I was seeking through therapy was not about processing this one incident. I needed to explore my own feelings of self-doubt.
With the therapist’s help, I became more self-aware.
I stopped questioning the spot I had earned at Wharton and became confident that I not only belonged but also had much to contribute. This greater confidence gave me the courage I needed to fully embrace my college experience, setting myself up for these successes:
Graduated with an above-average GPA
Served as the president of two prominent student organizations
Received four distinct awards for service to the University community
Completed summer internships at Google, Goldman Sachs, and Morgan Stanley
Acknowledged by Penn’s President at graduation as one of four students who had most positively impacted our campus via leadership
I share this experience as an example of how therapy can be a foundational pillar for living a healthy and happy life.
Continuing therapy
Having experienced the tremendous benefits of working through the incident that first brought me to therapy, I decided to make it a habit.
I explored managing stress, having difficult conversations with family, and confronting my insecurities. Each time I raised a new topic, over the course of a few sessions, I walked away feeling much better. At the very least, I knew where I stood when it came to these matters.
Prior to trying therapy, I thought I did not need it because I had close friends and family I could go to when working through something that was troubling me. I came to realize that therapy offered something that these other relationships could not provide.
Therapists are trained professional
Therapists are objective
Therapists focus solely on their client
Therapists are trained professionals
Even the most well-intentioned, caring friend who is a great listener lacks the professional experience of a trained therapist.
If you required surgery, you would never consider having a loved one do the procedure in place of a skilled surgeon.
Similarly, when it comes to providing the care our mental health requires, I believe it is best to invest in a trained therapist rather than relying solely on loved ones to provide that form of support.
Therapists are objective
Oftentimes the things we want to unpack involve interrelated people, complicating the conversation you might otherwise have with family or friends.
For example, if you are trying to work through a difficult relationship with a sibling, no matter how close you are with your parents, it will be hard for them to be truly objective.
Similarly, the overlapping web of our professional and personal relationships can make it challenging to talk through sensitive topics with colleagues and peers.
Because my therapist has no skin in the game, I feel safe to explore the most complex emotions that I experience. Their objectivity allows me to speak freely without any need to adjust my words.
Therapists focus solely on their client
Unlike everyday conversations that flow freely back and forth among participants, therapy sessions are 100% focused on the individual.
The therapist-client relationship enables a level of depth that is otherwise not achievable. With my therapist, I am able to dive beneath the surface of my own thought processes and grapple with things that are often difficult to articulate with family and friends.
I believe that the ultimate value of therapy is this ability to address deeply rooted issues that would otherwise hinder my growth, health, and happiness.
Giving therapy a shot
Successful business professionals often leverage the support of executive coaches to help them grow as leaders and adjust to new assignments.
Similarly, high-performing athletes leverage coaches to refine their techniques and ensure that they are at the top of their physical potential.
If you are curious about whether therapy may be helpful, consider giving it a meaningful shot. It is an investment of time that I believe to be well worth the effort.
If you were trying to turn your health around, you wouldn’t eat a single salad one day and expect to feel a whole lot different. You wouldn’t go to the gym once and then look in the mirror expecting to see results.
We all need support from others. A therapist can help us find the peace of mind and clarity we need to be successful in our careers and lives.
We don’t need to be broken or dealing with trauma in order to benefit from therapy
Prior to actually experiencing the process of therapy, I mistakenly thought I needed to be struggling with a very serious issue in order to justify seeking support. I have since come to realize that therapy has tremendous benefits in all areas of life where I am seeking greater clarity and growth.
We take our cars to mechanics for routine maintenance before the vehicle breaks down.
We reinforce the infrastructure of bridges and buildings before they crumble.
We can nourish our mental health before we burn out.
Closing thoughts
I choose to openly share these thoughts about therapy in hopes that others may feel inspired to reflect on whether it could be an equally positive experience for them.
Although therapy is a deeply personal choice that may not ultimately be a fit for every person, I believe the potential upside warrants meaningful consideration.
If any of you have thoughts about therapy and how we might lessen the stigma surrounding it, please share them in the comments below. It will surely help others.
Take care. Stay well.
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Triston Francis is a first-generation college student from NYC. He currently serves as the Design Manager for the Boston Consulting Group’s (BCG) Leadership Institute, an executive education program geared to the CEO-1 and CEO-2 of BCG’s leading Asia Pacific based clients. Previously, he served as a consultant within BCG’s People & Organization, Financial Services and TMT practice areas.
Triston will be amongst the amazing speakers that we will be having on our panel at CalmCon. CalmCon is a 2-day virtual festival on 12 & 13 November to promote good mental health for all.
During the event, attendees can hear from a range of perspectives on promoting mental well-being and learn how to improve their mental resilience — in both their personal and professional lives.
Learn more about CalmCon at https://www.calmcon.asia/
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