Rhythms of grace: How to build intentional community in a post-pandemic world

May 20

Although we’ve left Dalgona coffee, sourdough starters, and endless TikTok scrolling in the past (okay, well maybe not the latter) our choice of entertainment—or escape—during multiple lockdowns creates an impression of society in isolation. As the pattern of global reopenings unfolds, how have our friendships and community shifted throughout the pandemic?

While we’ve collectively emerged from a socially-distanced season, the feelings of disconnectedness may remain. For one group of millennials, it's about being anchored in a faith-based community that helps them flourish. Find out how they've found creative ways to (re)connect, as they've faced challenges and boldly stepped out to create community.

Redefining community

Take it from someone who moved back to Singapore in the first days of the pandemic. With a background in consumer behaviour, Carolyn Lo returned to Singapore from Melbourne in the spring of 2020, where she had completed her Ph.D. in Marketing. Three weeks later, the circuit breaker hit. When asked about her experiences creating community during the lockdown, Lo, a research fellow at the National University of Singapore shared that her definition of community has shifted.

“Community [now] is not limited to what circles I would gravitate towards naturally: familiar faces, people that you already have connections and bonds with. It is beyond that. Community encompasses people and connections with whom God wants our lives to intersect for that season.”

Beyond an expansion of community, Lo elaborated that her worldview has also shifted through an intentional effort to reach out beyond her immediate circle of friends to “involve people who are different from us. Whom we might not normally befriend that could benefit from our friendship and fellowship.” For Lo, this radical hospitality can be as unassuming as turning to the new person two pews ahead in the moments after service, instead of the friend “who will always be there.”

“There are always opportunities to connect with your friend outside of Church [since there is an existing relationship]. Though the new person may never walk into the Church again.

Lo admitted that the modality of her friendships shifted during the pandemic—and each phase of lockdown and concomitant loosening of measures.

State of Zoom

In the early stages of the pandemic, she created community by logging onto Zoom to celebrate socially distanced weddings and for daily catch-ups with her boyfriend. Like the global pattern that unfolded, the creative use of technology would continue to play a big part in her intentional efforts to stay connected in her relationships amid her busy schedule.

“The modality will change,” asserted Lo, “but the principles behind it don’t.”

In other words, friendships may look different in this season, but their inward character remains the same. “Who has God put in my mind this week?” said Lo, “And I would feel compelled or prompted to do something about it.”

For instance, after a long day of back-to-back Zoom meetings, she would unwind by scheduling longer phone calls with her friends in Melbourne—a weekly ritual she would enjoy against the backdrop of a panoramic walk along the Southern Ridges. Her local friendships, on the other hand, benefitted from moving things outdoors. Pre-pandemic, Lo enjoyed cafe-hopping with her girlfriends—now, even with the relaxed measures, they trade lattes for long walks, and meet up in athleisure to explore hiking trails in Singapore.

“Our lifestyle has changed,” said Lo, “but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Because if your friendship is [only] based on external anchors: mutual friends, common activities, or shared interests, what happens if you're unable to do those things together? In other words, when you strip the friendship down to its essence, what's left?”

Lo observed that through this period, many have been left feeling jaded by friendships. Whether it is the relationship drifting apart, not being able to meet up due to social constraints, or even realizing that the relationship is not mutually beneficial.

Beyond chemistry

“I used to think that making connections is only worth it if they would have lasting longevity. But what if there wasn’t lasting longevity to that friendship or connection? If we’re only in it because there should be something there for us to benefit, we will always be disillusioned.”

Lo shared about her time at Bible Study Fellowship in Melbourne, which set the tone of the kind of community she hopes to create: “Having that community who intentionally asked me questions about how I was and followed up with me.”

Lo recounted that there was a willingness to go deeper. For instance, these leaders would often probe deeper into the heart behind her questions and answers during their conversations, instead of simply moving on to easier topics with shared interests. This transformed her perspective of how friendship goes beyond “transactional” reciprocity and also helped her to feel “heard, understood, and edified.”

Put simply, at the heart of Lo’s conviction is a culture of intentionality—without the obligation to reciprocate.

“Reciprocity is important, but what if on this side of eternity, this friendship might not last the tenure that we want it to? What if we approach our friendships from the point of God's gift to us for this season: even if the friendship is going to be for a few weeks or decades, I choose to honour you and invest in this friendship. And I know that God is using this encounter to build us both up.”

This also means that the call to community is counter-cultural. “We're called to a love in an unconditional way," said Lo. “Beyond a checklist of mutual friends, common interests, or even chemistry.”

“Friendships might leave us disappointed in one season of life. Don’t let that stop you from obeying what God has called you to do: to demonstrate the kind of hospitality described in Romans 13:8 to ‘love one another.’”

“We may be momentarily disappointed but we never go away unfulfilled—in the end, we leave the growth of our friendships to God.”

A call to community

For Christopher Tsoi, the impetus for creating community lies in both the Church and the individual. He emphasized the need for “strong systems to be put in place [at Church],” and also for the individual to take that first step to reach out: “it could be as simple as dropping a text, ‘Hey, I’ve been feeling disconnected. Can we grab coffee?’”

Creating community is second nature to Tsoi, who would often find ways to connect his friends from different circles who would benefit from meeting each other. A nod to his background as a hotelier, this social networking would be through casual meetups or celebratory gatherings such as birthday parties. While most are content with compartmentalizing their various friend groups, Tsoi would often find ways to bring together people from his different circles, like a friendship algorithm, or what he calls “cross-community.”

When asked about his motivation behind intentionally finding ways to bring together people from his different spheres of influence, he shared that his cross-cultural exposure contributed to the drive to help others to plug in. Similar to Lo’s experience with BSF in Melbourne, this intentional community was first modeled to Tsoi.

As the perpetual new kid on the block, Tsoi has been on the receiving end of radical hospitality, where others would help him to integrate into new communities in the multiple cities he has called home: Hong Kong, Lausanne, London, Beijing, and now Singapore.

This year, Tsoi stepped into his new music and hospitality role at Toa Payoh Methodist Church. Tsoi views his ministry as an extension of who he is, as one of his roles includes helping newcomers to integrate within the Church community. Expanding on this, Tsoi believes that getting plugged into a small group is one of the primary platforms to create community; or as TPMC has termed it, the “micro-Church” during this pandemic.

Culture of intentionality

Although the interventions in the past two years have resulted in social speed bumps, Tsoi believes that “there are many different ways to build community compared to previously. In the digital realm, we can get creative with that. There are technologies and ways to help people feel comfortable and welcomed in a hybrid environment.”

This can range from finding ways to make Zoom more interactive to creating spaces outside the small group to connect.

Tsoi emphasized creating a space for people to gather outside of the Zoom sessions, to “balance both the social aspect and teaching.” Whether it’s tapping into apps such as clubhouse, switching out Zoom for kumospace, or hosting online board game nights as platforms for people to relax and have fun. Beyond the virtual space, Tsoi also encourages others to follow up and follow through with their friendships.

“Parts of Zoom can be frustrating. You lose the flow of the conversation, and it can feel less organic,” said Tsoi. Since there can be less of an appetite for digital platforms over time, part of it is finding “the perseverance to push through and make it work. There are proactive ways and resources available within restrictions to help people feel connected.”

“Be intentional about pursuing a few relationships that are put in your heart. Text them—which is the fastest and most basic—or even a phone call. Or try to meet with them for a meal.”

Even with these systems in place, however, Tsoi admitted that people still do fall through the cracks. Sometimes it takes courage to reach out, to which Tsoi responded, “Don’t be shy to ask for help. View it as God is caring for you through that person.”

Tsoi elaborated that the Church has been on “auto-pilot” throughout the pandemic, as it had to digitally pivot through evolving phases. “Part of the challenge moving forward is to stabilize community,” said Tsoi, “to create events for the community to experience virtually or in-person.”

“It’s about moving in the larger flow of the Spirit. Intentionality is key and the calling is not for one person, but the collective responsibility of the community [at large]. There will be people the Holy Spirit places on each individual’s heart. And that God has put you into certain communities for a reason—and each person as their part to play.”

When asked about what he anticipates for community in the next season, Tsoi shared his desire for each individual to walk in step with the Spirit’s leading. For each member to feel a sense of belonging and the freedom to fully embrace community.

Or, as Tsoi frames it: “To feel that I’m part of this community and to coast along.”