Can you over-do self care?
Self-care: you hear it everywhere, from conversations with friends, advice from your therapist, and even more stealthily in Instagram ads that aim to sell you a facial at their spa. It’s often packaged, unwrapped, and re-packaged over and over again in various attempts to define what it truly means. Meditation. Going for a jog. Staying up late and then constantly hitting snooze because “sleep is always beneficial”. Buying that one expensive skincare item. Using said skincare item. It’s all self-care, am I right?
Not quite. Self-care, according to Heather Golubski, is “a set of specific and intentional actions that we engage in that promote emotional, physical, and mental health, proactively rather than reactively.” That’s quite some to take in, but let’s simplify things a bit.
Examples of self-care, according to Golubski, can include the following:
Practising gratitude
Going for therapy and regular physical activity
Having a strict work-life balance
On the other hand, we have self-indulgence, which is when we indulge in certain activities that are sometimes hidden under the guise of self-care. These are often pleasurable activities that provide a short-lasting dopamine hit, such as:
Drinking alcohol to unwind
Shopping and spa treatments
Mindless scrolling on social media sites
Another way to put it: self-care is often a long-term activity you do that benefits you in the long run, while self-indulgence is usually something that brings you instant gratification, but doesn’t contribute to your self-improvement, or can even bring negative effects in the future. So while getting adequate sleep is considered self-care, having revenge bedtime procrastination and hitting snooze multiple times in the AM and eventually being late for work crosses the line into self-indulgence.
Now, self-indulgence isn’t inherently bad, and the line between the two might get blurred: for instance, as a barista, my feet often hurt from standing for long hours and I might treat myself to a foot massage because it makes my feet feel better. According to Accepting Therapy, it’s okay to pamper yourself every once in a while. We all need short-term bursts of pleasure from seeking quick comforts. Life is all about balance, and that doesn’t mean we need to abstain from the occasional spa treatment or glass of wine, but it becomes a problem when there’s too much of it: your bank account might go into overdraft, or you might, over time, develop an over-reliance on alcohol, for example.
So when planning a self-care schedule, it’s always beneficial to ask ourselves if it’s truly self-care, or if it’s self-indulgence in disguise. Some questions we might ask ourselves include:
What kind of satisfaction does this bring me?
Self-care isn’t always pleasurable (think: therapy), but it brings satisfaction in the long run, because you reap the benefits of the activity. Self-indulgence, on the other hand, almost always provides instant gratification.
How is it beneficial for me?
While self-care is usually beneficial for one’s mental, emotional, spiritual or physical well-being, self-indulgence tends to not bring many benefits, or can negatively impact our health.
Is it proactive, or reactive?
Self-care tends to be more intentional, and hence proactive, as we engage in activities to better ourselves. Think about going to the gym, or for a run, so we can keep fit. Self-indulgence is more reactive and might look like some soju because we’ve a long day at work.
Again, there’s nothing bad about the occasional self-indulgence (trust me, I’ve had to have some soju after some never-ending weekend slams at the café) but it becomes a problem when we rely on it to escape our reality. Understanding that self-indulgence brings fleeting pleasure is important and constantly chasing that dopamine hit because it’s pleasurable can have negative impacts. Living a life of balance is always key, and doing a range of activities for both our well-being and immediate satisfaction is as nutritious to us as a colourful bowl of salad.