Reparenting Your Inner Child: Ways to heal your past and shape your future

Often, we may think that reaching a certain age makes us fully grown up. But the truth is, deep inside us, there is a part that never fully grows up – the inner child. Introduced by Psychiatrist Carl Jung, the inner child represents the childlike essence within us that shapes our thoughts, behaviours, and choices. It is the part of you that retains the memories, both joyful and painful, from your past. 

Not all of us had the perfect childhood. Some of us may have encountered emotionally distant caregivers, faced tough situations or gone through difficult circumstances that left a lasting impression on us. Hence, for those who experienced less-than-ideal circumstances, the inner child also carries the weight of unresolved wounds that influences their thoughts, behaviours and interaction in adulthood.

This is where “reparenting” your inner child comes into play. It involves developing a compassionate and understanding relationship with your inner child, attending to their emotional needs, and providing the care, guidance and love that may have been lacking in your early years. 

So, here are some ways you can create a nurturing and supportive inner space, to become the parent figure your inner child needs to thrive and heal:

Disclaimer: The suggestions offered in this section are not meant to replace professional advice or serve as a solution for complex trauma-related issues. While the suggestions provided may offer some guidance for those seeking to reparent their inner child, complex trauma requires specialised attention.

If you are currently dealing with significant trauma such as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or have a history of significantly traumatic events, it is strongly advised to seek support from a qualified health professional who can provide the appropriate support and resources to navigate you towards healing. 

1. Recognise and address past trauma

   To start, acknowledge that you hold the key to effectively reparenting your inner child because you are the only person who holds the knowledge of its experiences and emotions. Take the time to explore and understand the wounds and traumas that your inner child carries, which can involve revisiting painful memories. This may be difficult but remember that by doing so, you are creating an opportunity to heal and grow.

2. Validate and feel your emotions

   Acknowledge the emotions and wounds that may have been suppressed or neglected over time. Many of us have learned to bury our feelings as a way to cope with difficult experiences. However, acknowledging your emotions shows your inner child that their feelings are valid and deserving of compassion. 

   Process your emotions, even if they are uncomfortable or painful, at your own pace. Fully experience them without judgement or the need to suppress them. However, remember that healing takes time, so be patient and gentle with yourself.

3. Forgive

   While forgiveness can be challenging and a complex process, it can be healing in freeing yourself from resentment and anger. Our caregivers, like all human beings, are imperfect. They have their own struggles and wounds that influence their behaviours and actions. Some caregivers could have unintentionally contributed to our emotional wounds whilst some might have been neglectful or abusive. 

   Therefore, it is important to note that forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation or maintaining a relationship with those who harmed you. It is a personal choice that requires self-reflection, compassion and boundaries. Remember that prioritising your well-being and safety is crucial, and forgiveness can be an internal process without external validation or reconciliation.

4. Establish boundaries

   As you develop a deeper understanding of your needs and wants, establish boundaries as an act of self-love and self-respect to protect your emotional well-being. This can include respectfully declining requests that deplete your well-being or simply taking care of your physical and emotional needs. By setting these boundaries, you not only create a more balanced life but also show your inner child that their needs matter and deserve to be respected.

5. Play

   As adults, we often get caught up with responsibilities and commitments, leaving little room for spontaneity, joy and playfulness. However, reconnecting with our inner child and engaging in activities purely for enjoyment can be incredibly transformative. 

   So, go ahead and let your inner child come out to play! Rediscover and engage in activities that once brought you delight and allow yourself to fully immerse in them without judgment or self-consciousness. 

Ultimately, it is most important to find peace within yourself and foster a loving environment where your inner child can thrive. As you embark on this journey of reparenting, remember that you hold the responsibility and power to nurture and care for your inner child. 

The process of reparenting is different for each individual. However, you are not alone on this journey. You can seek support from trusted friends, family, or professionals who can provide guidance and encouragement along the way. 

Remember that the inner child within you is a precious and essential part of who you are, and by recognising their needs and healing past wounds, you can shape your present and future.

References:

Haupt, A. (2023, April 6). Why Is Everyone Working on Their Inner Child? Time; Time. https://time.com/6268636/inner-child-work-healing/ 

Davis, S. (2020). The Wounded Inner Child | CPTSDfoundation.org. Cptsdfoundation.org. https://cptsdfoundation.org/2020/07/13/the-wounded-inner-child/