How to compassionately suggest help-seeking to a resistant loved one

Tips & Resources
Written By Melanie Shim

Reading time: 2 min

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Encouraging a loved one to seek help for their mental health, especially when they are resistant, can be a delicate task. Here are some suggestions on how to compassionately suggest help-seeking to a resistant loved one:

Empathetic Listening

Begin by initiating a conversation with your loved one by providing a safe space for them to express themselves. Show genuine interest in understanding their reservations about therapy. Ask open-ended questions to uncover their concerns and fears. Ensure they feel heard, validated, and respected throughout the conversation.

Share Your Reasons

Express to your loved one why you believe therapy could benefit both of you and your relationship. Use "I" statements to communicate your genuine concern for their well-being, mentioning any changes in their behaviour or emotions you’ve noticed. Highlight that seeking help is a courageous step towards personal growth, improved communication, and deeper understanding. Reassure them that therapy is a positive and brave step towards healing.

Choose a Therapist Together

Propose the idea of researching and selecting a therapist together. This collaborative approach allows your loved one to feel more involved and comfortable with the process. Consider suggesting a trial period or a limited number of sessions to ease any apprehensions they may have.

Individual Therapy for Yourself

If your loved one remains resistant to therapy, consider seeking individual therapy for yourself. Explain that this decision is not a reflection of their inadequacy but an opportunity for personal reflection and growth. Highlight how your own therapy journey can positively impact the relationship dynamics.

Practise Patience and Understanding

Avoid resorting to ultimatums or pressure tactics, as they can strain your relationship further. Respect your loved one's pace and give them time to process the idea of therapy. Reassure them that you're there to support them regardless of their decision. Remember to prioritise your own well-being while navigating this challenging situation.

Respect Their Autonomy

Respect your loved one's autonomy and their right to make decisions about their own mental health journey. Avoid imposing your beliefs or expectations onto them, as this can lead to resistance and resentment. Trust that they will make the decision that feels right for them in their own time.

Gentle Education

Provide gentle and non-judgemental education about therapy and its benefits. Offer resources and information about different therapeutic approaches, highlighting how therapy can provide a safe space for exploring emotions and learning effective coping strategies. Normalise the idea of seeking professional help by sharing stories of others who have benefited from therapy.

Normalise Therapy Through Conversation

Normalise the concept of therapy by discussing it openly and without stigma. Share your own experiences with therapy or stories of friends and family who have found support through counselling. Emphasise that seeking help is a common and courageous choice that many people make to improve their mental health and well-being. This also includes sharing mental health posts from reputable sources on social media can help educate your loved ones about mental health.

Offer Support

Let your loved one know that you're there to support them every step of the way. Offer to accompany them to therapy sessions or assist them in finding a therapist who suits their needs and preferences. Reassure them that seeking help is not a journey they have to undertake alone and that you'll be there to support them through the process.

Explore Alternatives

If your loved one remains resistant to traditional therapy, explore alternative approaches together. Suggest self-help books, online resources, or support groups that may resonate with them. Be open to trying different strategies and interventions that align with their comfort level and preferences.

Prioritise Self-Care

While supporting your loved one, remember to prioritise your own self-care and emotional well-being. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist of your own to help you navigate the challenges of supporting a resistant loved one. Practise self-compassion and set healthy boundaries to ensure you're able to provide the best support possible.

Make a Plan for Crisis Intervention

In the event of a crisis, it's essential to stay calm and focused. Assess the severity of the situation and determine if immediate intervention is necessary to ensure the safety of your loved one. Encourage them to express their feelings and actively listen to their concerns without judgement. Remove any harmful objects from the environment and gently suggest seeking professional help. If needed, stay with them and reach out to other trusted individuals or crisis hotlines for additional support.

Take Note of Crisis Hotlines

In times of crisis, it's crucial to seek support from trained professionals. While specific hotline numbers may vary depending on your location, you can easily find local mental health resources by searching online or contacting relevant organisations in your area. Keep in mind that help is available, and reaching out for assistance is a courageous step toward healing.

Remember, you can't force someone into therapy, but you can provide them with support, understanding, and encouragement. By approaching the situation with empathy and patience, you can help your loved one feel heard and supported as they navigate their mental health journey.

Melanie Shim
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