How to let go of life’s lemons
Sometimes, life gives you lemons in the most unpredictable ways.
For me, one such ‘lemon’ was getting Covid-19 just as my exams were around the corner. Rather than lamenting over my misfortune, I thought to myself: ‘Well, there goes my plans. For now, I need to focus on getting better!’ I figured that a full recovery was simply more important than slugging through work while I was ill.
Small obstacles can occur anywhere and at any time, putting a spanner in the works of our lives. If we fixate on individual issues, we will likely feel overwhelmed by these ‘lemons’ and allow them to control our decisions. Then, we lose sight of the bigger picture, forgetting that there is no success without some challenge.
This mindset hinders or even regresses our progress toward our original goals. In reality, these lemons often are insignificant in the broader scheme of things, but it can be hard to realize that you’re letting a ‘lemon’ get the better of you. Some warning signs include:
Spending too much time on a task or thinking about an issue
A decline in your confidence
Making impulsive decisions or taking unnecessarily drastic actions
Feeling like you’re in fight-or-flight mode
Physical ailments associated with stress: muscle aches, stomach and back pain, headaches
I encourage you to zoom out, take a break, and focus your energies on moving on.
How to let go
Most of the time, we allow ‘lemons’ to consume our daily thought processes, resulting in a hateful relationship with the ‘lemons’ that can extend to ourselves. We probably feel powerless and it becomes easy to assign blame, rather than being reflective or constructive.
We need to understand that ‘lemons’ are unavoidable, and as annoying as they are, dealing with them teaches us about resilience and problem-solving. It is possible to develop a positive relationship with our 'lemons', and this is especially important when they distract us from where we want to go or who we want to be.
1. Reflect on why the ‘lemon’ is affecting you
Take a deep breath, step back, and think about why a 'lemon' is affecting you. This will help you to reframe your thoughts so you can better process your emotions and understand your response – could it be due to high expectations placed on yourself, pressure from external forces, or an accumulation of stress?
2. Focus on finding solutions, rather than the ‘lemons’
It’s okay to complain over a ‘lemon’ for a whole, but not too long! It is far more important and productive to engineer solutions. Ask yourself:
What exactly is the problem?
What gaps does the problem expose?
Can the solution be found by relying on prior experience or existing frameworks?
Would it help to seek support from friends/family/loved ones?
Through this, you’re training yourself to adopt a growth mindset, instead of letting ‘lemons’ get the better of you.
3. Learn from your ‘lemons’
Inspired by William B. Irvine’s The Stoic Challenge, a setback journal is a great way to do this. How it works:
When a setback happens, write it down on the left-hand side of the page.
Brainstorm possible approaches to the problem.
Retrospectively, once you’ve found a solution, write it on the right-hand side.
On the same side, include a reflection on what you’ve learned through the process. You can think about your unsuccessful attempts/approaches too.
By recording your setbacks, approaches, and learnings, you are more likely to adapt and be prepared for future ‘lemons’.
4. Ask for help
If you find that a ‘lemon’ distresses you to the point of continued stress, anxiety, and burnout, it is crucial to ask for help. Speak to someone close, a mental health professional, or a general practitioner to get objective guidance and advice. Remember that your brain can fall sick too, and there’s no shame in seeking support.
At the end of the day, life will give you lemons – but don’t let them re-direct the course of your life. Acknowledge, learn from, and let go of them instead.