Life as a Highly Sensitive Person
Do you consider yourself ‘sensitive’, or know someone who is?
If you are unsure, do you see yourself in any of these descriptions?:
Are you easily overwhelmed by bright lights, strong smells, coarse fabrics, or loud noises?
Do you make a point of avoiding violent movies and TV shows?
Do you need to withdraw during busy days, into bed or in a darkened room for relief?
Do you have a rich and complex inner life?
Do you notice or enjoy delicate or fine scents, tastes, sounds, or works of art?
When you were a child, did your parents or teachers see you as sensitive or shy?
If you find yourself agreeing to the majority of the above statements, you may be a ‘Highly Sensitive Person’ (HSP).
What is a Highly Sensitive Person?
A HSP is someone who processes information especially deeply. This includes thoughts, emotions and sensory input. It may also be known by its scientific term ‘Sensory-Processing Sensitivity’.
The term itself is fairly recent, being first coined by clinical psychologist Dr Elaine Aron in 1991. It is estimated that HSPs make up 15-20% of the population, but often may not have a name for what made them feel or seem ‘strange’ or ‘alien. This aspect of not matching with societal expectations can be a source of stress for many HSPs.
While sensitivity as an idea is not new, Dr Aron shares that sensitivity as a trait was hard to pin down because HSPs are often so responsive to environments that we can take great efforts to fit in, and thus it was difficult to identify a HSP by behaviour alone. Nonetheless, a growing body of research has identified that being a HSP is in fact innate, with high scores on HSP tests associated with genes that control dopamine - a chemical necessary for the transmission of information in certain parts of the brain.
This implies that while high sensitivity may not have external manifestations like hair colour, height, or gender, it may have as much impact as any of these traits, in that it permeates and affects all aspects of life. It shapes and colours how we perceive the world and interact with it, the kind of work that suits us, and what relationships feel like.
While some people associate the term “highly sensitive” with negative terms like “weak”, “crybaby” or even “snowflake”, it is in fact a normal and healthy trait found in over 100 species (and probably more) from fruit flies and fish to dogs, cats and primates. The trait reflects a certain type of survival strategy, being observant before acting - implying the brains of HSPs actually work a little differently than others in a systematic way.
Dr Aron also offers a comprehensive description of the facets of being a HSP, encapsulated in the acronym “DOES”:
D is for depth of processing. Our fundamental characteristic is that we observe and reflect before we act. We process everything more, whether we are conscious of it or not.
O is for being easily overstimulated, because if you are going to pay more attention to everything, you are bound to tire sooner.
E is for giving emphasis to our emotional reactions and having strong empathy, which among other things helps us notice and learn.
S is for being sensitive to all the subtleties around us.
HSPs at the intersections
As with other personality traits, being a HSP does not define a person, and each person experiences life through a complex web of intersecting traits. Besides being a HSP, these include personality traits such as introversion and openness, as well as non-personality traits such as IQ and physical features. In fact, components of HSP research were intended to demonstrate that high sensitivity is not the same as introversion or neuroticism (a tendency to be depressed or excessively anxious), though it was strongly associated with neuroticism.
It is also important to distinguish between autism and being a HSP. While both have some differences in the way our senses process information and have a high capacity for empathy, there are also significant differences in the nature of the phenomenon and other aspects such as different processing styles, levels of prevalence and the way each reacts to the environment. Those interested can read more here.
My personal journey
As a HSP, the facets that are most pronounced for me are a strong sensitivity to the environment and a preference for deep connections where I could be at ease expressing my inner world.
One way this plays out in real life is that I find background conversations and chatter at parties and restaurants - the same things that many friends draw energy from - draining and distracting. I also die a little inside after more than 30 seconds of intense discussion on the weather. But it is a constant struggle to transition a conversation from ‘my coffee is hot’ to ‘what were the deepest points of your life journey’ or ‘how might we enact social justice for humanity’.
In school, the language on my report cards varied, but the themes remained consistent - “shy”, “insightful”, “should speak up more”. The highlight of my childhood was a creative writing class I got to attend, where I experienced for the first time a teacher who allowed me to explore and share my inner world.
Fast forward to adulthood, I struggled on many fronts. There was a distance between me and my family, and difficulty in relating to my schoolmates and workmates for not being interested in ‘popular’ pastimes like karaoke, football and Counterstrike. But the particularly nasty wake-up call was being put on an ‘up or out’ performance plan for not integrating into a team while I was working overseas. I knew I had to adapt to survive and went to great lengths to fit in, including preparing answers the night before to the inevitable ‘what did you do over the weekend’ questions that were a staple on Monday mornings.
Eventually, I managed to channel my HSP strengths into depth of research and even sought help from an understanding friend from a small church community to help me function at work. This saved my job and became a microcosm of my life: there is the need to reach some minimum level of social skills to be able to function in an environment where most people approach life differently, there is the need to choose work that made the most of my strengths and traits, and there is no shame in finding a support network of understanding friends.
Beyond that, I cultivated some habits which helped me organise my life, and I share some of these below.
Strategies to thrive as a HSP:
Declutter, physically and mentally
I personally find that having calm and minimalistic environments energising, and I feel satisfied when reducing visual reminders of disorganisation (aka throwing or giving stuff away). Uncluttering Marie Kondo style is appealing to me.
There is research that shows clearing clutter from the home and work environment resulted in a better ability to focus and process information and increased productivity. While it was not especially targeted at HSPs, it stands to reason that HSPs react well to this.
Control environment stimulation
Besides visual stimulation, I also found that I was highly sensitive to noise, especially the kind we can't control. Sitting near to noisy air vents causes me to lose focus and I think might even physically cause my heart rate to quicken, and I have avoided some food courts for that reason.
Investing in noise-reducing headphones was a great help. It is like bringing a portable bubble of tranquillity around and allows me to ‘set up shop’ and work in many places I might have otherwise avoided.
Get things done in off hours
As a practical way to accomplish the previous point and avoid crowds, over the years I have ordered my life to do more in atypical hours when there are fewer people around. I sometimes have meals after the lunchtime rush, visit the supermarket late in the evenings, run errands during the week whenever I can, and occasionally go to movies alone on weeknights.
One of my most treasured possessions is a list of coffee shops that are quiet and welcoming for solo visitors, and I am a fixture at some of them to the point that I know most of the staff by name. If anyone would like suggestions, feel free to drop me a message - as long as you don’t bring a crowd :)
Plan for decompression time
Despite our best efforts, it is inevitable that we will occasionally have to spend time in noisy, crowded, or otherwise high-pressure environments. If we know that we will feel drained or frazzled after the event, it is useful to schedule in time to decompress somewhere quiet and relaxing after the event if we need to.
I find weddings one such event. While I find celebrating an important occasion with someone meaningful, I also categorise the idea of spending hours with strangers making small talk under the genre of psychological horror. If I attend a wedding, I sometimes take a day off to sleep in, or to chill by reading or gaming alone.
Acquaintances might observe this and comment “Wow! It must have been a wild after party”.
Friends mostly don’t wake me up, or meet me online for multiplayer mode.
Create a safe community to be your authentic self
Lastly but perhaps most importantly, we should acknowledge that HSPs as a category are a relatively new phenomenon, and broader acceptance of neurodiversity (the acknowledgement that people experience the world in different ways) in society is still at its nascent stages. So large sections of society at large may still be unaware or unequipped to nurture HSPs.
In such an environment, one of the most satisfying ways to live is to seek out a community where you are accepted, understood and supported, and where I can be my authentic self - quirks and all, but also strengths and all. It is simultaneously one of the hardest yet most beautiful things in the world to have diverse people coming together in a community, but it is one of the richest ingredients to thrive.
Summary
People are complex and we should always be aware that reducing people to labels are often unhelpful oversimplifications. Nonetheless, HSPs may find relief in having a label to name a dynamic that is a major feature in their life. This opens doors for us to engage in constructive conversations and receive meaningful support in the form of understanding from peers, therapy, or resources about HSPs.
I also want to acknowledge that sensitivity is valued differently in different social groups and cultures. If you happen to be in an environment where it is not understood or valued, it can be hurtful if you are constantly sent the message “don’t be so sensitive”.
At the same time, despite the challenges we may face, being a HSP is also a gift. Whether it is in exciting dreams and internal monologues, the depth of enjoyment in art and music, or the beauty of deep human connection, with proper support and a recognition of our own strengths and weaknesses we can set up environments to thrive.
I deeply wish that you will be able to carve out spaces of safety and calm, find your tribe, and offer your special gifts to the world.
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Jason works in artificial intelligence and specialises in leading teams that use technology in an ethical and human-centric way. He is usually found in quiet cafes buried in a book and wearing his precious noise-cancelling headphones. He is bad at talking about the weather.
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References:
Aron, E. & Aron, A. (1997). Sensory-processing sensitivity and its relation to introversion and emotionality, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 73, 345-368.
Aron, E., Aron, A., & Davies, K. (2005). Adult shyness: The interaction of temperamental sensitivity and a negative childhood environment. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 31, 181-197
Wolf, M., Van Doorn, S., & Weissing, F. J. (2008). Evolutionary emergence of responsive and unresponsive personalities. PNAS, 105(41), 15825.
Chen, C., Chen, C., Moyzis, R., Stern, H., He, Q., Li, H., . . . & Dong, Q. (2011). Contributions of dopamine-related genes and environmental factors to Highly Sensitive Personality: A multi-step neuronal system-level approach. PLoS ONE. 6:e21636.
Shrivastava B. (2011). Predictors of work performance for employees with sensory processing sensitivity (MSC Organisational Psychology. City University, London).
McMains S, Kastner S. Interactions of top-down and bottom-up mechanisms in human visual cortex. J Neurosci. 2011 Jan 12;31(2):587-97. doi: 10.1523/JNEUROSCI.3766-10.2011. PMID: 21228167; PMCID: PMC3072218.
Smson, R. (2021, December 7). No, Being Autistic Is Not the Same as Being Highly Sensitive. Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-highly-sensitive-child/202112/no-being-autistic-is-not-the-same-being-highly-sensitive