Understanding gaslighting in a relationship
As humans, we experience an immense spectrum of emotions and feelings. Every one of us wants a peaceful, growing, strong, and healthy relationship with the people around us, be it our family, friends, or partners. We all try to achieve this, but unfortunately, we sometimes fall into relationships that are toxic and manipulative.
What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of abuse that is notoriously difficult for victims to identify, as they unintentionally give control of their thoughts and emotions to their abuser after being manipulated.
In gaslighting, the abuser/manipulator demeans and devalues the victim through psychological manipulation and emotional abuse. You can be gaslighted by anyone – from your friends, family, or in the workplace. Common phrases gaslighters may use include:
It’s not a big deal, you’re being dramatic
I haven’t seen a person as stupid as you
It’s all your fault
You are a terrible person
You’re taking this too seriously, stop overthinking
Constant abuse, blame, and manipulation leads to the victim starting to internalize such beliefs, even if those are untrue, creating a toxic and unequal power dynamic. As the victim starts seeing this as their reality, they begin to lose self-respect and self-value, all the while remaining unable to identify that it isn’t real.
How to identify gaslighting in a relationship
Because of the insidious nature of gaslighting, we may be victims without even realizing it. The first step to identify gaslighting in our relationships starts with introspection: go deeper, talk to your inner self, and reflect on how this relationship makes you feel. Ask yourself:
Am I getting constantly blamed for things you haven’t done?
Do I feel connected with myself, or am I always doing what the other person wants to please them?
Am I afraid of them?
Do I constantly doubt and question my thoughts and feelings?
Am I always apologizing and giving in?
Have I lost self-respect?
If you find yourself answering ‘Yes’ to many of these questions, you may be experiencing gaslighting in your relationship.
What can I do if I think I’m being gaslighted?
To make sure that it’s gaslighting, speak to someone who knows you well and will be objective.
Then, check with a therapist or coach to start your healing journey.
Spend time on self-care to increase your self-love.
Take charge of your life and make wise decisions that you want.
Even if you think that you are a victim of gaslighting, you are not alone. Help is always available out in the world. You can reach out for help, move on, and live a better life on your own.
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Resources:
2. https://www.verywellmind.com/is-someone-gaslighting-you-4147470
3. https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/examples-of-gaslighting