How to practice mindful “not” eating?
Dear friends,
Have we ever asked ourselves, “Am I eating too much for my mind and body?”
These days, at night, whenever I experience waves of strong emotions or energies carrying me away, like constant worrying thoughts, anger, anxiety, boredom, loneliness, guilt and self judgement etc.
Or during the day, whenever I feel a drop or glut in my emotions and energy, like a deep laziness, don’t-give-a-damnness, despair, analysis paralysis, just-wanna-stay-in-the-cave-ness etc.
I practice by first asking myself, “What did I eat earlier?” After all, nothing survives without food.
Almost always, the list looks terrible! Something like:
Milo and biscuits at 11pm. Sometimes a shot of Yakult too.
A little too much strong coffee or teh tarik during the day.
Very rich/ intense food, a few times in a day. Sweets too.
MSG - which basically is the body getting fake umami but still starving of real food.
Channel News Asia or BBC or CNN for more than an hour.
Few hours of youtube and social media.
Hypersexualized and hyper emotional impressions on TV, on the phone, on outdoor ads
Unwholesome conversations, in person and online (whatsapp and FB messages/comments can be so cold and heartless!)
All this rich food takes time to digest! The mind wants to work, but the body says, “I’m still digesting!” The mind gets frustrated. Body says, “let’s move!”; the mind says, “I’m still digesting!” The body gets restless. Or both mind and body just keeps chewing and chewing on all the food for hours, so the entire being just slumps in bed.
And after digesting… Too much energy with nowhere to go or release. In my body it presents itself as restlessness, a bulging belly, and chipmunk cheeks. In my mind, it presents itself as anxiety, worry, frustration, mood swings, racing thoughts.
Does this happen to you too?
One day, in 2018, out of sheer coincidence, my cousin Adrian enrolled us on a 6-day hiking and health retreat in the mountains of Mae Hong Son, called "In Search of the Song of the Gibbon". We had thought it was going to be a nice relaxing year end holiday in Thailand.
The organizers surprised us. It was no holiday. This was what happened:
No phones. There was almost no reception in the mountains. So all we had was the company of each other.
Every day, we had to wake up at 4:30am, drink 1 liter of water, and practice 1-2 hours of yoga-like prostrations together, in silence. Then we meditated for 20 minutes.
Packed our 5kg backpacks, said goodbye to our village hosts, and began our 20 - 30km hike in the mountains to the next village. Some hills were steep. Very steep.
At noon, we found a shady spot, sat in a circle, and shared our ONLY meal, a simple village vegetarian meal. No breakfast before gruelling hike, no dinner after gruelling hike. Intermittent fasting.
After resting, we kept hiking. Arriving at the next village around sunset, we took an icy cold shower, sat in a circle to share from our hearts our experience for the day, and passed out.
Repeat for 6 days. Over 120km.
For many of us, it was one of the most transformative experiences of our lives. I experienced a profound shift in my relationship with my body and through it my mind. Almost like a reconnection to its true nature, a renewed faith in its amazing 4.5 billion year design.
But first, I had to suffer and face my suffering. In fact, the first two days were quite torturing. My body and mind were “starving”, for rich protein and calories, for rich images and videos, for stimulating news on the worse plight of others. After each day, my muscles ached and cramped terribly, and I woke up anxious about the endless road that laid ahead.
On the third day, things started to change. I started waking up with no pain or aches! I learnt experientially that autophagy was real, my body was recycling and renewing my degraded cells. The 4th morning I woke up at 4am, looked out the wooden window beside my mattress and my mind was as clear and peaceful as the starlit sky. I watched as a star danced around, a shooting star lit up the dark for a moment, and another star imploded. During our hike, I felt like my mind was in a cool, hunter mode, much like our ancestor families moving in the forest/ plains, who fasted for days until their next kill, or forage. I noticed the many insects, flowers, and beautiful scents more vividly. My body moved more agilely, elegantly. My digestion, and daily motion in the toilet, became so smooth. I felt clean and light. I was giving as much as I was consuming. I was probably giving a little more back to the Earth and to my fellowship, lending an ear, a hand, sharing my food, my drink.
On the last day, I literally danced and skipped my way across boulders and streams all the way back to the little town where we started. I looked at my battery of a belly, smaller, with gratitude, and all around there were only smiles and tears of joy when we sat in a circle for one last time to share from our hearts. We had become brothers and sisters.
Since then, I have been back to Mae Hong Son twice more, a yearly pilgrimage if not for Covid. Back in Singapore, we also organized a mini urban version of this health and hiking retreat together, one meal a day, walking silently sometimes, chattily other times, all over our parks and park connectors, hiking up the steps of our HDB flats, and sitting in circles to rest and share wherever we find shade, even opposite the Istana :)
These retreats are not escapes. They are a group of friends coming together to remind and help rewire each other for wellness. It’s almost impossible for me to practice intermittent fasting, combined with mindful meditation, walking and sharing, on my own. It is also unnatural, as it has always taken a village for us humans to be anything or to go anywhere.
The physical-mental calmness and wellness energy from these retreats last for weeks. Every time we complete a retreat, I gain more trust in the amazing ability of my body to be able to regulate and be so efficient, and my mind to be clear, calm and creative, on so little food. And a body and mind that gives as much as it consumes, sometimes more, feel so much cleaner, light, right and meaningful, physically and in spirit.
And now, in everyday life, whenever a wave of strong emotions arise, I am a little more confident and gentle on myself. I know I am not “sick”, that these emotions are just my friends, telling me:
“Dear Will. You have received too much rich food for your body and your mind. You are too rich. Time to use these extra riches, this energy, to serve, to create, to give on to others. Time to not eat for a while, start moving and reconnecting with your sisters and brothers, and with Nature. If there is a retreat, sign up!”
Thank you for reading, dear friends. Hope to fast, walk and be with you one day. Wishing you wellness in body and in mind, and a heart full of love. Leaving you with some words from a song I wrote:
We don’t need to keep on running, we have more than enough
We don’t need to keep on burning, when our heart’s already warm
We don’t need to be abiding, by our unscientific rules
We don’t need to keep consuming, when our heart’s already full.
When our heart’s already full.
Warmly,
Will
Bonus Epilogue - Reflections by Cousin Adrian
The 6 days we spent in the serene wilderness of mountainous Mae Hong Son, is by far without reservation, the most memorable, life-changing and enlightening period of my adult life.
I am sure the following words do not adequately transmit the complex experience of that journey. The physicality. The camaraderie. The awakening. I urge everyone to find their own pilgrimage for health, one which is truly experiential and not just a youtube video or FB article.
Our modern urban lifestyle is fraught with theories, superstitions and labels. We speak to each other in marketing lingo, second-hand knowledge and disguised ignorance. All designed to keep us focused on what, where and when, but not WHY WE EAT.
For me, the keyword here is “healing”. Perhaps another apt equivalent is “nourishment”. That is the true hunger in our modern lives, and I must say, it is still a daily challenge for me.
I constantly transport myself back to the mountains of Mae Hong Son to relive those lessons. That nourishment is not just a combo of nutrients with scientific names, but a wholesome cocktail of powerful healing experiences.
By eating what you need and no more. By eating with people you love. By liking what you eat instead of eating what you like, by knowing that sometimes not eating can be nourishing.
I know this truly and deeply in my heart because I experienced it first-hand. 120km of mountain hiking on one vegetarian meal per day at noon. It sounds absurd. But it happened, and I am utmostly grateful for it.
Will has also shared his discovery of mindful eating and how it has helped him in his mental health and weight loss journey. Read more about it here