Some things I’ve learnt as a Calm Circles Facilitator
It is a privilege to be a Calm Circles Facilitator. As a university undergraduate taking psychology, there aren’t many opportunities to undertake face-to-face sessions that allow you to interact with people. Due to the rigorous nature of the curriculum, fields like clinical psychology, educational psychology and counselling psychology require at least a Master’s degree before one can actually go out into the field and make a difference. Thus for a mere psychology undergraduate, I consider myself lucky to be facilitating at Calm Circles as I learn and grow with each Circle.
Of course, before each Circle I’ve been mired with anxiety and self-doubt: How can I be as fluent and professional as Josh our art therapist or Zi Yi our psychologist? How can I compare with Sabrina, our Expert by Experience, that allows her to empathise with those struggling mentally at a level that I cannot? These are the common thoughts that fly by in my mind, on top of the expectations I set for myself.
It is not easy. Facilitating peer support circles, especially when your group delves into heavy topics like suicide and mental health diagnoses takes a lot of stumbling around before you get a bit more confident in yourself. However, precisely because the role of a facilitator is not an easy one, you learn so much. Being a facilitator has given me opportunities to listen to people 30 years older than me, people with vastly different career experiences, people residing in other countries, and people struggling or diagnosed with a mental illness. At the same time, there’s so much I have improved on- from coming in with zero expectations on how the Circle is going to be (you never know! Sometimes your group can be so shy while other times the discussion can revolve around extremely heavy topics), being gentle on myself whenever an incident happens (most of the time it is not as serious as you’ve made it to be!) and mustering up enough courage to know I can facilitate well, and will only keep getting better.
Anyways, enough about me. During our official launch of Calm Circles, I particularly enjoyed the common topics participants and facilitators brought up. They’re relevant to all of us, and I have collated them into a few learning points. I hope you have some takeaways like I do!
Being self-aware helps. Recognising and acknowledging your thought process, mindset and behaviour help you to identify areas you can improve on, and become a better individual.
Look back on how far you have come. Once in a while, reflect on the trials and tribulations you came across in the past, and realise somehow you have overcome them! You have been through so much, and thank yourself for pulling through to this day.
Life is not always rosy, and that is okay. We are humans and most things in life are out of our control, so cut yourself some slack. Social media and those with influence can portray self-care as perfect, consistent and ideal. Life is not like that. There will be days you feel like a shitshow, and days with you feeling on top of your game. That is real life. Acknowledging this as part and parcel of your journey in life can allow you to be more gentle with yourself, and accept that life is everything in between- from the rainbows to the greys.
For those trapped in the comparison game, focus on the internal instead of the external. Instead of measuring your worth in relative terms, how about absolute terms? How do you compare with the current you and the you in the past? In fact, try to step out of the comparison game altogether. You are enough, awesome and incomparable just as you are! How are you feeling right now? How far have you grown? Thank yourself for the small wins.
Last but not least, no matter what you are going through right now, know that one day it will pass. One day, you will look back and realise, “Wow that was shit but somehow I’ve pulled through!”
As part of the Calm Collective Team, I really appreciate everyone who showed up, for being vulnerable, and for holding space. At Calm Collective, Calm Circles is a community of peer support. These are safe, non-judgemental spaces for open conversations where you can connect with one another. Registrations are open for the next session! Be the first to sign up here.