How Writing Influenced My Mental Health
As I write this article on writing and mental health, I can't help but think about my life before I became a volunteer writer for the Calm Collective. My mental health was all over the place. I had a constant inner voice that kept bringing me down, and I struggled to stay organised and positive. I didn't have the time or energy to develop a plan to improve my mental health because I was too focused on making enough money to support my family. Additionally, I was trying to prove my worth to myself and society because I didn't get into university with my A-level results.
Looking back, whenever my mental health took a toll, it was because of expectations placed on me. During difficult times, I tried various measures to cope, such as listening to music, playing games, and watching shows. While they did provide some relief, I still felt stuck in a struggle for an extended period, with no end in sight and no hope of improvement.
As the expectations mounted more pressure on me, I felt miserable. My anger became worse, and internally, I was yelling at the top of my lungs, “WHY DO I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE HARDSHIPS? I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED INTO UNI AND ENJOY MY LIFE, I HAVE SCREWED UP, AND THERE’S NO TURNING BACK!!!!” I was feeling angry because I, along with my classmates and parents, was expected to get into university as a Junior College student. In Singapore, Many people believe that being in Junior College is a fast track to university, as it is a two-year program, compared to the three-year program at a Polytechnic.
The reality hit me hard that failing in Junior College was a shame because I saw my friends going to university while I was left behind, lagging behind my peers. It felt like an insult to me, and my inner voice kept reminding me that I was a failure. I felt that I wouldn't be able to catch up or prove to myself that I could do it. However, I have achieved the “impossible” before when I was promoted from a Normal Academic Stream to an Express Stream and then got admission to a Junior College. So, it was very humiliating for me to feel like I had just dropped out of the education rat race.
The frequency of anger increased, as there was no sign of better things to come. But, after some time, there was a change in luck!
I experienced two events that made me feel validated about my past choices. Firstly, I worked in a printer support role at NUS, one of the most comfortable jobs I have ever had. I then moved to Yale-NUS College to support their operations. Secondly, I joined Calm Collective Asia as a volunteer writer. These two events have significantly improved my mental health.
When I first started writing an article titled “How I’m learning to build my resilience muscle”, I felt so nervous and lost as it was the first time that I had ever written an article on a mental health topic! I was more nervous when that article was published, as I wanted to hear what the readers would say about it, which turned out to be positive feedback!
The positive feedback gave me the confidence to write more articles and find my style and interpretation of the titles for some articles, such as Gaming & Mental Health and Crazy-in-limerence: How having a crush can affect your mental health.
But let me share with you something fascinating I recently discovered upon introspection. While I was writing an article, a few insights came to mind:
My mind shifted from all other distractions and focused entirely on the task at hand.
I became more interested in finding out how to put a twist in the narrative.
I embarked on a journey of learning more about the specific title.
I write my personal experiences from both the point of view of being in the moment and retrospect.
These insights helped me to become more focused and attentive while writing and also to produce a more engaging and insightful article.
I used to keep my feelings, thoughts, and opinions to myself. I never explored my emotions thoroughly before. I would push them aside whenever I interacted with people or worked because I didn't want anyone to know the challenges I faced at work, except for my closest friends.
Writing has become a powerful tool for me. It helps me articulate my thoughts and helps me assess the direction I need to take in my work. As part of my job, I need to find and keep track of information within a specific time frame.
But through writing, I can express my feelings, thoughts, views, and insights reflectively. It allows me to look back at my past and see what happened and what is happening now. However, I must mention that many factors have contributed to who I am today, and writing is just one of them.
Thus, this title can be summarised by this one quote:
“We write to taste life twice, in the moment and retrospect.”
― Anais Nin
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