How to manage your negative emotions
We all have to deal with negative emotions sometimes, and learning how to cope with these feelings is now more important than ever. Negative emotions can come in the form of anger, frustration, disappointment, anxiousness, helplessness and many more. With fast-paced work environments, thousands of information to take in while scrolling through social media, and the blurring lines between work and personal life due to work-from-home situations, it is easy for these emotions to build up over time without us noticing. Emotions such as disappointment and helplessness can materialise in other situations like toxic family relationships, imposter syndrome and not meeting expectations. Therefore, it definitely helps to recognise your feelings and the causes behind them. This is so that when those emotions begin to appear, you will know how to handle them better. Do note that having negative emotions is not necessarily a bad thing.
Some may have misconceptions that in order to achieve happiness, suppressing these negative emotions is essential. I would not advocate for the idea that managing emotions equate to emotional suppression - the latter may lead to a host of other complications such as breakdowns, an obsession to ‘control’ your emotions, panic attacks and certain mental illnesses. Trust me - I’ve been there before. Have you heard of the quote “The only way out is through”? Everyone has a limit when it comes to keeping in negative emotions. Hence, allowing yourself to feel what you’re feeling is so, so important. It is okay to cry, scream and let out.
Learning how to manage your negative emotions better means finding ways to handle them at that moment you are experiencing it- especially when others are around you. It also means taking a logical approach to figure out what causes them to arise in the first place. Here are some tips that may help you based on my personal experience and therapy. Since different people have different ways of coping, I am sharing what has worked for me!
In that moment itself
What do you do when you find yourself trapped in a situation that forces certain unwanted emotions to arise? While the tips below are simple, it actually takes some practise! Noticing that you are actually experiencing some inner tensions the second they appear is key. By recognising them, you are able to proceed with ways to manage them.
Be present. In the heat of things, it is easy to get carried away and react from highly strung emotions. Hence, being aware of the situation and yourself is crucial. Attempt to observe from a logical, objective and neutral headspace.
Recognise your emotions. If possible, label them. Are you feeling frustrated? Anxious? Furious? It is pertinent to acknowledge that you may be in a bad headspace; hence, identifying what you are going through internally is the first step to naming your emotions.
Try to stop yourself from reacting based on those feelings and remain cool as a cucumber. Take a pause. The last thing you want is to react in a way that you may regret later. Give yourself space; engage in an activity that distracts you and does not trigger those same feelings again. Personally, I find minimising interactions with the person involved while I am still emotionally affected helps in easing my frustrations significantly.
In your own time, let all those negative emotions loose. Set them free. Those feelings need an outlet- it is impossible to bottle them up, otherwise, we will just be ticking bombs waiting to explode. When I am feeling overwhelmed, I find a safe space in solitude to have a big cry. I have a friend who watches emotional movies alone when he is going through a lot internally. Another friend goes to The Fragment Room once every few months to physically break and shatter glass bottles as she vents out all her frustrations. Find what works for you. Having a safe emotional outlet is crucial as it helps us return to a better headspace.
After that moment
The following tips apply to what you do after you are feeling better.
After you have calmed down, find out the causes behind why you felt that way. Is it someone in your life who is putting unnecessary stress on you? Is it your job? Do you have too much to do? Once you identify the problem, start brainstorming ways to deal with it or work around it. Remember, you always have the power to change your situation. In order to do that, you can begin by reframing your perspective or come up with strategies.
In your own time, do some journaling to record your thoughts. Write down exactly what caused you to erupt internally in a negative manner. They are your triggers, which are seemingly minute factors that can cause people to explode at any second. This list will help you when a similar situation occurs in the future.
Speak to a trusted friend or mental health professional. Sometimes our heads can get messy and flooded with thoughts, and being left alone may not do us good. If so, speak to a third party who can listen to you, and if needed, provide you with a fresh point of view. For instance, how I remain calm is to rant to a trusted friend instead of directing every single ounce of anger back to the person who triggered me.
Negative emotions come in all forms and can be caused by different triggers. Therefore, managing them better means a certain level of self-awareness to recognise them and identify those triggers that force them to arise in the first place. Hopefully, some of these tips help!
This article is for informative purposes only. It is in no way a replacement for professional counselling or therapy. Do seek out any of these professional resources if you feel like you need help in regards to your mental health.
For mental health resources, please refer to our ‘Guide to Mental Health Resources in Singapore.’