Meet our CalmCon Speakers: Benjamin Kheng
Today, we speak to Benjamin Kheng. He shares more about his passion for mental health, losing all sense of pride during hot yoga class and what he’s looking forward to most during the panel “How to thrive amidst uncertainty”.
You’re obviously very passionate about mental health - tell us more about your mental health journey?
It’s been a bit like sharing a room with a sibling - it was rocky in the middle during my awkward years and we fell into a bad place. Now that I'm approaching a more learned age, though, I'm learning to co-exist and communicate better.
A few years ago, I recognized the patterns of a mood disorder creeping up on me, and like every stubborn man, I decided against asking for help and tried to stubbornly self-diagnose. It was really only after seeing a therapist and articulating my thoughts that I saw a significant change in myself.
You’ve mentioned that you used to struggle when faced with criticism - what changed and what advice do you have for others who struggle with that?
I wouldn’t say I struggled with criticism in a broad sense, but I almost had a phobia of people disliking me. Coming from a highly religious upbringing forced me into a conviction of always gaining approval from others and making sure I never rubbed someone off the wrong way. It drove me crazy when someone would irrationally dislike me, or if I couldn’t pick out a sensible rational way.
What changed? I think turning 30 helps a ton - age has a way of helping you zoom out and gain perspective. Also, the realization that not responding to negative people isn’t a sign of you hating them, but rather a sign of you respecting yourself.
What makes the gym your “happy place”?
I could quote a thousand articles about how it helps combat anxiety and depression (and they’re so true, I love a good legal dose of endorphins), but I think it’s also a complex, engaging puzzle that takes you out of your self-serving paradigm. Also, you really lose all sense of pride in a hot yoga class realizing your hip flexors don’t work the way you thought they did. You also notice little incremental wins and improvements in yourself in a more tangible way, which helps you trust the process!
What advice would you give your younger self?
You’ll never defeat grief, but you’ll learn to sit with it like an old friend!
What are some misconceptions surrounding mental illness/ health - especially in Asia?
That we have made so much headway in getting better conversations about mental health! There’s still the classic Asian stoic, uncommunicative traits, but resources are more than available these days and hopefully we keep pushing on for a more accepting society.
Given the current Covid-driven uncertainty, have there been new challenges you’ve faced? How have you managed to cope with these challenges/uncertainty?
I’ve definitely had to pivot away from traditional sources of income (performing). I took up much more behind-the-scenes work and really just started from scratch. Ironically, It was a blessing in disguise! I quite enjoyed the reclusive life and I’m not quite sure how I’m going to pivot back to being an extrovert again (nervous laugh).
What are you looking forward to most during your panel?
Just looking forward to connecting with fellow human beings, Sabrina and Moses, and finding serendipitous connections between our respective journeys. Also looking forward to learning the secret of beard growth from Moses.