#RedefiningFailure on my own terms
‘Dear Claire, we regret to inform you that your scholarship application is unsuccessful.’ That one time when I was rejected by the government’s scholarship board.
‘Only this? That’s not enough. What else are you working on?’ Those times when my parents, brought up in hardworking families themselves, made remarks on my lack of responsibilities.
‘I’m sorry but I don’t feel the same way.’ That time my heart broke over someone who was unable to reciprocate my feelings.
Rejection means failure.
That was what I thought. Growing up as an individual seeking external validation from my parents, friends and society, every time some form of rejection came from them, it would hit me in the gut. Waves of shame and embarrassment would then wash over me. Was I not what they wanted? Was I not enough?
With every failure that I was met with, my self-worth would crumble just a tiny bit, chipping away like the bricks of a stone wall.
Somehow, those incidents of rejection manifested in other ways. I sought other institutions and courses of study that allowed me to shine. I overcompensated for my initial lack of responsibilities with a workaholic attitude by juggling work and studies, along with three other external commitments. I learnt to not take men seriously, as giving my heart away only warrants pain.
Mind you, the aforementioned is not the happy ending. They are defensive coping mechanisms that arise as a result of the human instinct for self-preservation. Realising that, I sought help. I went for therapy and counselling, alternating between the two once in a while. That was when I discovered: I’ve been seeking external validation all along.
For once, my source of validation should be internal. From me. For me. A set of unknown burdens has lifted off my shoulders; I was akin to a bird released from a cage — a cage that was created by myself that has been putting me to misery since birth.
For me, I have redefined failure. While I am still a work in progress with several unresolved issues, those failures have made me who I am today.
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Join us at CalmCon — A mental health and wellbeing festival for Asia on 12 - 13 November 2021
One of the best things in my life is joining the team at Calm Collective. Surrounded by a group of compassionate individuals each overcoming their personal problems, I grew so much as an individual. By giving me opportunities to share my story, learn from others and work on myself further, I am able to redefine past failures that would otherwise limit my personal development. At CalmCon, the team at Calm Collective hopes to bring to you a journey of self-discovery and compassion by equipping you with ways to look past your failures and achieve a more fulfilled sense of self.
You can grab your tickets here at: www.calmcon.asia
Catch the replay of #failcon: Redefining Failure featuring Jamus Lim (Associate Professor of Economics), Joshua Simon (Radio Presenter, Kiss 92FM) , Iqbal Ameer (Founder and Group CEO, The Livescape Group) and Yunita Ong (Asia Editor, LinkedIn News)