How to Embrace Vulnerability in Relationships
“Vulnerability is about having the courage to show up and be seen.”
— Brene Brown
Vulnerability is a delicate and intricate process and emotion, one that starts with our own selves, unravelling parts of our inner self – to connect within. Once we are comfortable with our own emotions and thoughts through being vulnerable at an intrapersonal level, then we can fully embrace vulnerability with the people around us. Embracing vulnerability in a relationship means acknowledging and revealing your true self – your fears, dreams, emotions and it goes on. Vulnerability deals with the willingness to truly be ourselves – to expose a gentler side of ourselves that we could otherwise have hidden behind our defences.
With this, embracing vulnerability becomes an essential instrument in enhancing close connectivity in relationships because it gives us the courage to bare ourselves before the presence of others. However, not everyone is comfortable showing vulnerability in relationships as a result of the fact that most of us have unfortunately been trained from a very early age not to be vulnerable – that the best defence against pain is a good offence.
The reasons for avoiding vulnerability are incredibly personal and unique to our own experience, which often relates to very early in our own lives. Whatever the circumstance, the message that most of us internalize is that “it’s not okay to just be me.” We grew up believing this notion, to varying degrees, that something about us is flawed or shameful. As a result, we expect that we would not be fully accepted as we are, and that others will fail us. When we resist vulnerability, we deny our loved one the opportunity to be close to us by not allowing them to know us fully. We fear we will be hurt or rejected, and therefore we try to protect ourselves by keeping our guard up. However, vulnerability can draw people closer to our lives than chasing them away.
Vulnerability is a strength that helps us to build strong bonds in our relationships. An excellent way to learn how to be vulnerable is by being honest about how we feel, about what we need, and asking for what we need. As you reveal yourself to another person, and they treat you with respect, love, and dignity, your trust in that person expands. And as you reveal more of yourself, you also invite the other person to be vulnerable. When you treat the person with love, respect, and dignity, their trust in you grows as well.
Being vulnerable in our relationships involves the following actions (Firestone, L., 2017):
Ask for what you need. Achieving close connections means being willing to speak up when we are in need. Admitting that we need someone to lean on allows our loved ones to understand and respond to us in ways that bring us closer.
Be willing to expose your feelings. Acknowledging and accepting our feelings is an important part of being in touch with ourselves and sharing ourselves with others. A major component of strengthening our connections involves being willing to share how we feel with someone else.
Say what you want. Being open and upfront about our needs allows our loved ones to understand our needs and wants, enabling them to take action on how they can best make us feel seen and heard.
Express what you really think. In addition to expressing our wants and needs, it’s important to be honest about our point of view and show our real selves. We should be open to giving and receiving feedback without being overly defensive. Remembering that we are all human and therefore flawed, allows us to have more self-compassion as we engage in more honest exchanges.
Slow down and be present. Part of vulnerability is being willing to be in the moment with someone else. Listening to what our loved one has to say, and being willing to give time and attention to the moment are acts of vulnerability that are often harder to do than we imagine. Engaging in each of these behaviours keeps us closer to one another and to our own feelings.
Vulnerability is vital in a relationship. Embracing vulnerability fosters closeness, intimacy, and trust. As Brene Brown shared in her book, “The Power of Vulnerability”, vulnerability offers both an invitation and a promise – when we dare to drop the armour that protects us from feeling vulnerable, we open ourselves to the experiences that bring purpose and meaning in our lives.
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References
Firestone, L. (2017, June 28). How embracing vulnerability strengthens our relationships. PsychAlive. Retrieved September 27, 2022, from https://www.psychalive.org/embracing-vulnerability-strengthens-connections/
Robinson, S. L. (2020, April 17). How embracing vulnerability strengthens your relationship. Thrive. Retrieved September 27, 2022, from https://thriveglobal.com/stories/how-embracing-vulnerability-strengthens-your-relationship/