What I've learnt from Calm Collective's Calm Circles Facilitator Training Programme

Communication is a key aspect of life - it is a multi-faceted and nuanced tool that can inspire, initiate, diminish or dehumanise with a single turn of phrase. This balancing act explains why we might struggle to inspire and make a difference to others consistently through communication. 

Through the Calm Circles Facilitator training programme, a 4-week course centred on imparting the principles of (you guessed it) creating a safe space for conversations, I’ve certainly gained a better understanding of how to communicate consciously.

As a naturally sceptical person who isn’t the most attentive listener, I was genuinely surprised by the numerous lessons I took away from this programme. The lessons I’ve learnt from the training definitely extend well beyond my (future) role as a facilitator. The ‘interdisciplinary’ nature which consisted of psychological, philosophical and linguistic concepts taught by individuals from different backgrounds made this programme a unique experience. I believe that I left with a more holistic perspective on hosting safe spaces without judgement - a core tent of Calm Circles.

 Here are 4 key lessons I’ve learnt from this programme:

1. Being present in a non-judgemental manner

Eschewing judgement is a foundational aspect of facilitating a safe space for conversation. It eliminates the main fear which inhibits people from conveying their worries - being undermined or shunned for their thoughts and actions. 

The importance of non-judgement was emphasised from the first session by Dr Benjamin Weinstein. In particular, he highlighted the catharsis that a judgement-free environment provides to participants. Dr Ben explained how it enables participants to help others understand their issues and in turn contribute to their growth as individuals. He also provided an excellent analogy of the ‘threat defence system’ which typically inhibits conversations and how adhering to the key principles of presence, namely authenticity, sincerity and listening, can contribute to the creation of a judgement-free space.

During the second training session, psychologist Jolene Hwee provided us with actionable tips to encourage judgement-free conversations, such as embracing awkward moments of silence, seeking clarification where necessary, and embracing doubt. She also brought up an extremely important point which was emphasised throughout the programme - validation. A key component of eschewing judgement involves the affirmation that a person’s feelings are not minuscule, regardless of our personal beliefs. As a naturally sceptical person, this was a revelation to me.

2. Inclusivity

Inclusivity is an extremely pivotal element of Calm Circles. Its importance is embedded in the Calm Circles agreements - each principle starts with ‘We’ for a reason. Safe spaces are bolstered by the presence of collective strength which goes beyond attendance numbers. 

During the second session, Jolene highlighted the powerful role of deep listening in signalling inclusivity. Her detailed explanations of the 4 levels of listening (ignoring, selective, attentive, deep) and the 4 cues of deep listening (non-verbal feedback, eye contact, presence and connection) painted a vivid picture of conveying inclusivity through our verbal and non-verbal actions. 

I particularly enjoyed how her explanations on the tenets of listening built on the definitions provided by Dr Ben during the introductory session - particularly how deep listening fosters conversations by creating a non-judgemental space. Additionally, Jolene’s explanation of finding the meaning, context,  and unsaid elements of a conversation was an interesting insight which helped me to visualise the importance of listening actively to convey inclusivity. 

3. Being there for someone goes beyond listening to their plight

Coming into the second session, I was surprised to learn that providing presence went far beyond providing the conventional definition of ‘empathy’. 

Many of us tend to understand another person’s perspective (Cognitive empathy) or share their emotions (Affective empathy) in a passive manner, but struggle to find an appropriate response to convey our understanding. 

Jolene’s explanation of compassionate empathy helped me to understand what it truly means to put myself in someone’s shoes by paying attention to their emotions and their perspectives simultaneously.

The third session furthered my understanding of what ‘being there” for someone really meant. Zi Yi, our lead facilitator, introduced the concept of visible and invisible presence and how facilitators could utilise questions and emotions as explicit cues to indicate our presence. She explained how labelling emotions can help to identify issues participants may be going through and validate their concerns, a key component of a facilitator’s role. Zi Yi’s breakdown of how we could use questions to better understand participants’ concerns helped me understand the importance of communicating consciously as a facilitator. 

4. We can’t help everyone

The role of a facilitator is intrinsically associated with helping others. In fact, the most common synonyms associated with facilitation (such as assisting, advancing and expediting) all involve providing some form of assistance to others. This was affirmed throughout all 4 training sessions, albeit with an important caveat: knowing our limits.

The importance of boundaries was first brought up by Jolene, who shared about the debilitating impact of compassion fatigue on our well-being and the importance of safeguarding our self-care in the process of helping others. Jolene cautioned us on the resultant levels of stress which could arise from being overly ambitious in our aim to help others. She also emphasised how setting boundaries can bolster our own self-care immensely, be it emotionally, spiritually or mentally.

This was also reiterated by Dr Ben, who explicitly highlighted that the crux of a facilitator’s role was to serve as a guiding presence that entrusts and honours the participant’s ability to find their own unique journey. Azaree, our People and Culture Lead, also shared how the process of admitting that he didn’t have the answers to a difficult topic during a Circles session helped him to become a more confident facilitator. He directed this person’s question back to the group which subsequently strengthened the group’s dynamics by creating an inclusive conversation. This was a sobering lesson for all of us and served as a reminder that ‘helping’ others goes far beyond its conventional definition.

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Join our community of peer support. Volunteer as a facilitator and create a safe, non-judgemental space for open conversations where you can connect with others. Register your interest here.

Got something to get off your chest, sign up for our next Calm Circles sessions here.

Disclaimer: Calm Circles is not a replacement for any existing/ongoing therapy or any professional mental health care.