What stoics taught me about mental health
The first time I was introduced to the adjective ‘stoic’ was when I received feedback from my high school theater club moderator. As an actor, I was initially concerned that I wasn’t conveying the right emotions for our production, but her spin on the word was more comforting than the standard dictionary definition. She told me that knowing how to control emotions – both onstage and offstage, for that matter – was an essential life skill that I was lucky to have started developing early. To me, this was a win, especially for someone who hates displaying weakness.
I took this mentality as people’s characterizations of me over time traversed the spectrum of terms: resilient, enduring, collected, pragmatic, unfazed. But, what once was a signature trait slowly distorted my self-perception as I snowballed into bouts of peak anxiety and identity crises. If my emotions are uncontrollable, how do I go back to a time when I could control them? Since I am a mere mortal with no access to the Mind Stone, I ended up in the black hole of the philosophy of stoicism. Allow me to share some of my learnings, and how I live by them in my daily attempts to cultivate more calm:
1. Acknowledge and befriend your feelings.
The goal is not to become an indifferent, apathetic robot void of emotion, nor is it to be happy 24/7. Embracing our humanity entails accepting our power to feel, while bearing the responsibility that comes with it. It is, after all, within our control to be mindful of how we handle these emotions in response to what besets us.
HOW? Meditation is a powerful tool to hone self-awareness. Not only am I more sensitive to details within and beyond me, but I am also able to articulate them more clearly. To practice, take a few minutes to pause, focus on one thing, and concretely describe this to the best of your ability. Bringing this approach to other aspects like our feelings helps us navigate the emotion spectrum, rather than going with the generic “okay,” “tired,” or “meh.” This also gives us a better idea on how to care for ourselves and others.
2. Observe the meaning you give to things, moments, and people.
Life is all about perspective - it boils down to how we attach meaning to things. Along our journey, we make different choices that allow our values and principles to shine through. The price we pay if we don’t define these for ourselves? Others will do it for us.
HOW? Take time to savor and process the moments that fly by. My journaling approach has shifted from a daily activity log to an introspection of my choices. Albeit a stream of consciousness, chronicling observations has allowed me to structure my frame of thinking and concretize my values. As a bonus, revisiting entries can also help with a thematic analysis of development!
3. Temper sharing while maintaining psychological boundaries.
A key facet of progress is the aura of growth. While it is great to celebrate our wins, know that our individual light alone can shine as evidence of our principles. In the same vein, we must also be wary that we do not over-identify with our struggles. Tempering our sharing does not mean being completely closed off. Rather, it is an exercise of knowing what to share, and engaging in active listening.
HOW? Holding space for others is a simple way of ensuring genuine connection. For me to be fully engaged, I compartmentalize the range of what I share such that it is within the comfort levels of those in conversation. A story is best told when it is lived and experienced, not when it is merely preached without practice.
4. Enjoy being ordinary.
For the longest time, my fear of ‘becoming irrelevant’ created an unnecessary self-inflicted pressure to succeed. But, are humans really characterized by achievements and failures? Not really. If comparison is the thief of joy, happiness might as well be achieved in what makes us feel like ourselves, rather than conforming to so-called ‘standards.’ Take delight in simple things - they are often the most essential, beautiful and profound.
HOW? Nature is a reminder of just how small you and your problems are. From time to time, take a walk amongst greenery, or bask in the beauty of the sky. I like to think of it as a reminder that so many of us share the same universe – one far larger than what social circles orchestrate.
5. Take courage.
The acceptance that life will bring adversity does not mean passivity. Setbacks are opportunities to practice our resilience and exhibit our growth. Of course, we cannot eliminate fear and uncertainty, but a meaningful life is one that is rooted in hope as we pursue purpose.
HOW? As trite as it sounds, live every day in spite of the odds. All we have is now, so take the opportunities your heart leaps for, while maintaining integrity. Self-care also entails embarking on challenging adventures, so I try to bring my most authentic self in what I do, no matter how small these ‘tests of character’ are.
As I continue to navigate my mental health journey, I acknowledge there are days more difficult than others. However, as Marcus Aurelius says, “Look well into thyself; there is a source of strength which will always spring up if thou wilt always look.” Look no further, dear friend. We already have the healing within.