3 lessons I learned about stress management
When the idea came to write an article on stress management, the word “stress” initially felt overwhelming. It evoked an image of everything around me being on fire and the need to control it quickly.
Stress can bring out the worst emotions, such as anger, desperation, and loss of hope. In my workplace, it is taboo to say, “No failures happening yet,” or “Today is a quiet day,” as if mentioning these would lead to a failure in the system. Why so?
When an unexpected accident arises after uttering these sentences, I feel shock and despair at how fast it can happen. The pressure then builds, causing me to try to deal with the problem quickly using shortcuts. However, these shortcuts often fail, increasing the pressure until my brain panics and my self-control drops to zero.
This led to a permanent ban on those phrases, as saying them leads to stress, as if correlation leads to causation. Later, I realised that my stress is not solely related to these phrases; it can stem from anywhere—studies, relationships, the environment, etc. It seemed impossible to manage such stress, and I envied those who appeared calm and capable when handling it.
However, with three lessons I have learned recently about stress management, I realised I can develop a healthy relationship with stress. It’s not about avoiding stress but about managing it effectively. The key takeaway is that stress is a natural response, not something we can control how it comes about.
Lesson 1: Lean on healthy coping mechanisms in times of crisis
Crises can happen anywhere, anytime, without regard for emotions or deadlines. Managing stress in such times can be likened to dealing with a dementor from Harry Potter (thanks to my best friend Janice for the analogy). Think of stress as a dementor that hooks you, making you spiral into negativity. You must control it, using coping mechanisms as your Patronus Charm.
The stronger your coping mechanisms, the better you can unhook from stress and stay true to your values. This process is ongoing throughout the day whenever stress occurs.
When I experience stress, I feel detached from the present, as if a hook pulls me into a dark room filled with negative emotions, leading to anger, hopelessness, and despair. During these moments, I realised I wasn’t grounded or connected; my values of kindness and caring were lost, leaving me an empty vessel of emotions and thoughts. Following the World Health Organisation’s guide to managing stress, I adopted these steps:
Grounding: Use deep breaths and focus on the present
Unhooking Negative Thoughts and Emotions: Recognise your feelings
Getting Values Back: Reconnect with your values
After this process, I often feel emotionally drained, leading to fatigue. This prompted me to seek ways to recover emotional energy after managing stress.
Lesson 2: The Importance of Self-Care
Having regular self-care activities you can practice regularly is akin to having a wallet that enables us to do activities we want to do, like, a Starbucks card (enjoying a cup of coffee), credit card (paying our utilities), bus card (transportation) etc. Similarly, our metaphorical self-care wallet can help meet our physical and emotional needs. For example, physical rest gives us back energy, social activities make us feel less lonely, and a healthy meal helps us feel more nourished.
Self-care is crucial because it involves recalibrating and grounding ourselves through play, relaxation, fun, and connection. It can change our moods and energy positively, leading to a feedback loop of positive thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. After a stressful episode, I indulge in activities like:
Talking with online friends
Playing games (single-player or multiplayer, in any genre)
Watching comedic relief episodes (short-form or long-form).
Listening to mood-boosting music
However, sometimes self-care isn’t enough because of certain stressful situations' emotional and physical toll. This is when social support becomes essential.
Lesson 3: The Role of Social Support
Having social support is like having a strong anchor in turbulent waters. When life gets stormy and unpredictable, having a network of supportive friends, family, or community keeps you grounded and steady amidst the rough waves, preventing you from drifting too far or feeling overwhelmed by your challenges. This anchor doesn't eliminate the storms or challenges, but it provides stability and reassurance, helping you weather the toughest moments with resilience and strength. Social support is a key component of solid relationships and psychological health.
When I faced an unbearable crisis, I sought immediate help from my best friend and role model: Janice. She supported me throughout the crisis, making me feel heard and understood. She empathized with my feelings and asked grounding questions, providing a metaphorical blanket and hot chocolate to make me feel safe. When I recovered and had a positive mindset, I could support others, including Janice, during their crises.
In conclusion, it’s okay to feel stress and to tell others about it because stress is a natural response we can’t control. The key to stress management lies in our ability to choose one thought over another, as summarised by William James: “The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.”