How chasing after productivity, achievement and success can lead to declining mental health
Ask yourself – are you happy and satisfied where you are, right here, right now? For the past five years, my answer has been a resounding no.
I have been on-and-off counselling and therapy for the past five years due to stress, burn out and poor self-esteem. I’ve never been satisfied with my academic grades and career portfolio. My self-worth was based solely on my ability to be of value and the number of achievements attained. Due to the glorification of hustle culture by parents, peers and wider society, productivity and success have been ingrained in me since high school. This led to an over-obsession with these concepts that are put on a pedestal.
However, this relentless pursuit of academic and career achievements resulted in stress and burn-out. I started going to bed in uncontrollable tears, suffered from random panic attacks, and prolonged binge-eating and food restriction no longer served as coping mechanisms. I was in a downward spiral, and seeking help was the only way out. It took me five years of on-and-off counselling and therapy, and a few people whom I care about being diagnosed with several disorders, for me to realise the productivity chase is one of the main reasons for my mental health issues.
Personally, I believe these are the protracted effects of society’s fixation on material achievement and efficiency. It creeps on us and taints almost all aspects of our lives. It is in our systems, our lifestyles and our minds. As a result, efficiency and accomplishment – idealised concepts touted by my school leaders, my peers and social media – are just two of the most pervasive by-products of capitalism. Situations such as not attaining a desired grade, or meeting my own sky-high expectations in past internships would trigger sentiments of incompetence and resultantly, unhealthy coping mechanisms.
“Why are you slacking? Go work.”
“Got a job? Overtime.”
“Think you can take on more? Pile more responsibilities onto your plate.”
“Why can’t you handle that? You are worthless.”
When will this end?
Earlier this year, a close friend was diagnosed with clinical depression and generalised anxiety disorder. I began going for therapy as well, after a year’s break from counselling. For both of us, overexerting ourselves to the point of breakdowns in the chase for success was a major main cause. When we equate our value with benchmarks such as output during work, job titles or grades, we push ourselves to do the most in an attempt to feel some sort of permission to love and enjoy who we are and our lives.
Do more; achieve more; BE more.
This cycle will only end the moment it breaks us.
I am not denying the pride and joy garnered when we achieve something. We deserve to be celebrated for our successes; we should convey our happiness for those who share their achievements. However, in this capitalistic culture where almost everything is driven by material profits, our infatuation with and reverence for accomplishments have pushed us over the edge. In my own words, we have morphed into mindless drones feeding the inhumane system that we term ‘capitalism’. As a result, our mental health gives way, tears apart, breaks down – sacrificed for the sake of being more productive and achieving more.
“By not showing up for myself fully because I am always chasing after the next big thing, I am not experiencing all of what life can offer me, and I am not loving my loved ones with all I can.”
Through my mental health journey, I have acquired the skills to recognise early signs of burn-out and stress, and how to deal with them if I find myself in that black hole of despair and emptiness again. I am still on my own journey to recovery- for instance, I still find myself binge-eating as a coping mechanism during finals period, or the need to isolate myself for weeks when I am not mentally well. Therapy will always be an essential aspect of my life where I can seek help whenever I need to. With regards to how I perceive my value and worth, a mindset change is difficult but not impossible. Currently, I take comfort in the thought that being a lesser version of myself because I am overworked, drained and burnt out, is unfair to myself and those who care about me. By not showing up for myself fully because I am always chasing after the next big thing, I am not experiencing all of what life can offer me, and I am not loving my loved ones with all I can.
My previous counsellor once said this to me, “You are enough just being.” Doing what makes you happy and satisfied, appreciating what you already have and truly savouring the little moments in life is WORTH MORE than an over-obsession with productivity, achievement and success. Seriously, life is more than that!