Dealing with jealousy at work
Your colleague just got promoted or landed an important project that could define their career. To you, they seem to have the perfect life – everything seems to work out for them, falling effortlessly in place. You are happy for them but deep down the insistent voice inside you whispers, "Why them?" or even more troubling, "I wish they would fail."
This unsettling feeling is Jealousy – a feeling of unhappiness and anger because someone has something or someone that you want – that’s how the Cambridge Dictionary describes it. It is way more than that, a multifaceted emotion that can impact everything that defines you – your self-worth, mental health, and work life. It’s just not you. I believe everyone has had these feelings at least once, and it seems to get worse when a crisis befalls you. Jealousy isn’t an easy emotion to embrace. Many of us try to hide it, worrying about what others would think if they knew we were jealous of someone else’s success.
Jealousy, if left unchecked, can severely damage your relationships at work, hinder productivity and elevate your stress levels. Addressing this emotion is crucial for achieving fulfilment in your professional life. We sometimes take out this feeling by belittling the person we resent “Of course, he got the project because he is the manager’s favourite”. As highlighted in the Harvard Business Review’s article, “Envy at Work”, we tend to envy those close to us more intensely, possibly because their achievements seem within our reach. It can be because you believe you can achieve them too but they did. This jealousy can arise for various reasons, such as seeing your rivals receive promotions, higher salaries, or more recognition for similar work.
So, how do I whisper back to myself “ I will work my way up too”? Let’s look at how to decode this emotion.
What Triggers these emotions for me? — As mentioned above there could be various reasons that sparks this emotion. Those are just a few of them. Try identifying what it is for you that makes you feel that way.
Yes, I feel Jealous of them — Own your Jealousy. Acknowledge it. This step is crucial. Once you say that out loud, you’ll start to feel a sense of relief. I’m not asking you to make an announcement about this in the workplace, but a little self-talk would work just right.
What’s next? I have admitted I feel jealous of my colleagues because they got promoted even though we had similar evaluation scores.
Look for a course of action — This can involve seeking support from a superior or talking to a support group within your company. You could also consider setting realistic, achievable goals. Setting smaller, manageable goals can significantly boost your self-esteem. This process is about developing a learning mindset.
What if I have to work with the person I’m jealous of?
Yes, this can be challenging. Those feelings may resurface. But this time, take your time. Instead of feeling threatened, make it into a learning opportunity. Try to objectively observe what qualities they have to lead to their promotion, what they did differently, and what additional skills they possess. Identify them and work on improving yourself.
Use jealousy to fuel your professional and personal growth. Celebrate your progress, and keep reminding yourself that your journey is unique and yours.
Resources:
Harvard Business Review. “Envy at Work”. (April, 2010). By Tanya Menon and Leigh Thompson.