Empathy has a price: How to prevent compassion fatigue
Compassion fatigue is the consequence of constantly caring about others. Think of it as burnout of sorts – emotional exhaustion from the indirect trauma that comes with supporting others through stressful situations.
The people most likely to experience compassion fatigue are those who care for others as part of their jobs. This could be a social worker who hears about their clients’ struggles on a daily basis, a psychologist who journeys with clients as they recover from traumatic experiences, or a nurse who works closely with patients dealing with injuries.
Even if you’re not working in a field that requires you to be empathetic at all times, you’re not immune to compassion fatigue. If you’re a caregiver or you’re supporting a friend who’s going through a tough time, this could apply to you. In fact, because the past year and a half has made it hard for us to go a day without stressful headlines, you may see signs of compassion fatigue in yourself from just worrying about the people you see in the news and on your social media feed. In short, it can happen to anyone who cares for others.
What are some signs that your empathy is costing you?
It can be hard to recognise the effects of compassion fatigue because part of being driven by empathy for others is the inability to focus on yourself and how you’re feeling. It’s also difficult to see it because it can show up in so many different ways that can often seem unrelated. I’ve sorted these signs into two categories: fluctuating empathy and decreased motivation.
Fluctuating empathy
On one hand, compassion fatigue is a result of high levels of empathy, with many finding themselves constantly thinking about others’ situations. As this level of stress is often unsustainable, people experiencing these signs may then cope by becoming increasingly desensitised to the sources of indirect trauma around them. Being extremely empathetic eventually forces them into being “numb” to others’ emotions and experiences. While this fluctuating pattern can be disorienting, it provides an opportunity to first recognise that you’re overextending yourself in order to prevent a decrease in empathy.
How increased empathy may show up in your life:
The client’s concerns, friend’s problem, or news story is constantly on your mind
Having trouble falling asleep as a result
Disregarding your own boundaries to offer help to others (e.g. providing support after work hours, neglecting your own needs to be there for a friend)
How decreased empathy may show up in your life:
Finding it hard to be present in conversations
Feeling “numb” when hearing about a traumatic event in your personal life or in the news
Feeling more easily irritated and having less patience when others make mistakes
In work settings: Seeing a client’s problem as a task to check off rather than an individual’s experience
Decreased motivation
In order to feel energised and motivated, we need to see that we’re making a difference. When the stress of others’ experiences is weighing down on us, it’s hard to feel like we’re making any progress. This is especially true when these experiences induce a sense of helplessness because of how challenging they are.
How this may show up in your life:
Finding it hard to see the bigger purpose of what you’re working on
Feeling like you only have enough bandwidth to focus on one task at a time
Feeling distracted when working on things you used to care about
If you’re not sure whether you’re fatigued, you can fill out a test here to get a better understanding of how you’re feeling and how your life may be affected by compassion fatigue.
What are some things you can do to prevent compassion fatigue?
Set and maintain boundaries
Setting boundaries is about protecting the time and energy you need for yourself. This could look like making it a point to not reply to clients after work hours or setting aside alone time in your caregiving routine. It could be expressing to your friend that you’re concerned about their wellbeing and don’t have the knowledge or skills to help them with the issues they’re facing. This is far from cutting people out of your life or building up walls. Standing by your boundaries lowers the likelihood that you’ll experience compassion fatigue. This means that you’re preventing the irritability and lack of empathy that would otherwise disrupt your relationships.
Debrief
Don’t underestimate the importance of debriefing! Even just taking some time to acknowledge that you’ve been affected by someone’s experience can help you to get ahead of compassion fatigue. Download a mindfulness app for easy access, take a walk, listen to music, or try out the following short journal prompts:
How do I feel about what happened?
What do I need right now?
What is expected of me? How do I feel about these expectations?
Notice how your communities function
The people around us have a huge impact on our perception of what it means to be a good member of the community. Notice how your family, friend group, or workplace rewards certain behaviours. Some people expect their friends to be readily available to support them emotionally at all times, regardless of their needs or responsibilities. For those in the helping profession, some workplaces praise employees for going out of their way to support clients. Be mindful of what messages you’re receiving from those around you in order to avoid internalising these mindsets. This also means doing your part – when we don’t take care of ourselves, we may be unintentionally pressuring those around us to also overextend themselves and ignore their boundaries.
Redirect your energy
Your worth is not determined by the roles you play in other people’s lives. Activities that increase others’ happiness are not the only ones that are worth participating in. Reflect on some things you enjoy doing that leaves you with a twinge of guilt. Consider that acts of self-care are necessary for your wellbeing and functioning, and therefore also necessary for you to be able to help others and make a meaningful impact.