Practising mindful self-compassion saved me
These last two years have been so demanding. Are we going into a soft lockdown or is living with Covid the new normal? We don’t know. And it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. We’re all really exhausted.
What if self-compassion is truly something that can help us tap into our inner resources and find the strength to go forward?
As of September 2021, there are more than 1000 published, peer-reviewed studies on the positive impact of self-compassion in individuals’ personal and professional lives.
This is what the data tell us: Practising simple, self-compassion techniques in daily life can increase our well-being, resilience, motivation and persistence while reducing self-criticism, self-doubt and worry.
Mindful Self-compassion (MSC) is a scientifically supported program based on the ground-breaking research and clinical work of Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer. Practising self-compassion will empower us to respond to the stresses and difficulties of our personal and professional lives with resilience, and a kind engaged presence.
My friends and professional peers know me as a strong advocate of Mindful Self-compassion. I talk about it, I teach it, I breathe it. Why do I believe in the power of self-compassion?
During the pandemic, Mindful Self-compassion skills help to nourish and ground me on a daily basis. More importantly, it saved me when I was stuck in a toxic workplace and could not afford to leave. There were some colleagues who actively ostracised me, put down my postgraduate degree and accused me of receiving favouritism. Every day, I felt down and anxious, not knowing when I would be attacked again. I also felt a sense of shame— if they hated me right from the very first day, was there anything wrong with me?
Fortunately, I discovered Mindful Self-compassion. I am not being dramatic when I say that it saved me. During that period of emotional storm, it felt like my anchor and healing balm. When I chose to be in touch with my difficult feelings and respond with loving-kindness, I started to heal and regain my composure and inner strength. I personally experienced how compassion is the antidote to shame, and how transformative it can be when I decide to treat myself just like how I would treat a dear friend.
Practising compassion is not just being soft, it is also how we act in the world to protect ourselves. For instance, this means being assertive and saying no when others try to unfairly pile their work onto us.
Some people ask me if I forgive them. I do, in fact, I sought their forgiveness before I left, if I have unintentionally hurt them in any way. By the end of my journey at that workplace, I have also cultivated the practice of sending them loving-kindness regularly. I see that they act in such ways because of their own pain and suffering. As a token of peace, I gave them gifts in the form of clinical resources before I left the workplace.
As Thich Nhat Hanh says, “No mud, no lotus.” In hindsight, I have grown a lot through that journey. This experience is a powerful teacher and I learnt the profound importance of treating myself with compassion and kindness, especially when I am suffering.
It is not an easy journey to befriend ourselves but it is a worthwhile one. Reflect on this: who is the person you would spend the most time with, in your life?
Thank you for reading my story. May you keep well during this storm, and be healthy and at ease.
Catch the replay of our self-compassion workshop by Dr Ben Weinstein and Dr Karen Pooh, “How to be kinder to yourself in 2022”.