Learning to Listen: A Story of Recovery, Growth, and Giving Back
Growing up, I never knew that anyone would bother to listen to me.
I never had an experience where I would think that my words or opinions meant anything. It was surreal to find someone who would care enough to actually engage with me where I was, and without an unspoken agenda, during my JC years. That is the story of how I met my best friend – who is now my wife.
Many years later, I am now recovering from depression.
The process of treatment and recovery has not been the smoothest, shortest, or easiest. But wherever I turned, I found that being listened to and heard helped me best to work through what I had buried in my head. Emotions long ignored or suppressed could finally be uncovered and processed. My therapists – I have had a few – first gained trust by listening, before helping me. I usually end my sessions with my psychiatrist with a “Thank you for listening.” I still had to do the challenging work, but listening was the way into the depths of the darkness.
From being heard to listening
So, I have been on a journey to learn to listen. As I started out, I made many mistakes, hurting some along the way. But I got better – I think – at listening. I have had the privilege to collaborate with a tertiary learning institution to bring a version of a Listening Table to their community. I want to actively listen; to give others something I did not have easy access to. But I wanted more training – and I felt less than confident in my informal learning.
When Calm Collective Asia advertised their Peer Support Foundations Training programme, I curiously opened the mailer.
Online self-directed learning – check.
Two online in-person sessions – scary but possible.
Basics of being a peer supporter including listening and self-care – I want to learn more about that.
The course fee was prohibitive for an unemployed person, even if it was very reasonable. Thankfully, there was a scholarship option, and I applied for it. When it was approved, I committed myself to learning.
The self-paced study experience
Self-directed study has its own issues, but when the topics are things that we are really interested in, the motivation is a lot higher. I broke up my learning sessions across 1-hour blocks, playing the videos at 1.5x speed (I experimented with two times being too fast), and reading the transcript to match the words. I puzzled over certain topics, but I could replay the video to try to understand better.
Example of self-paced learning videos
My self-study journey was not without hiccups. After 4 hours in total, I realised I had forgotten to take notes – and spent another 2 hours re-processing what I had learnt. Self-assessments along the way showed me that I had misunderstood some of the concepts. Thankfully, I figured out where the mistakes were.
The power of a shared learning community
The team set up a Telegram group for communication and community, which was helpful. When we had our live sessions, there were some informative lectures, and interactive role play. We met people from different walks of life, and even different countries, with whom we could practice what we had learnt, on a small scale, in a safe environment.
A continuing journey
There is a lot that I could share about what I learnt – both personally and on the topics covered. What Calm Collective Asia has done with this training is to make an important topic accessible to those who want to better understand how peer support in a group setting might work. For that to happen, active and deep listening, with a basic but solid background understanding in mental health issues is essential. Personal boundaries and personal and group safety are paramount too.
Perhaps I’ll never end up facilitating a group session. But what I learnt from the training will go a long way to help me to be a healthy and good listener to those who are struggling – while maintaining my own self-care and keeping my recovery in step. I want to continue giving back to others to make my own pain worthwhile – and this has been a step in that direction.
Ready to empower yourself and others around you through listening? Learn more about the Peer Support Foundations training programme and join our waitlist to hear first about the next training run.