Tips on Managing Anxiety in Social Situations
Imagine this: you’re in a conversation with a group of friends, enjoying some Subway sandwiches, when suddenly the conversation shifts to a topic you’re not familiar with. Maybe it’s rugby, Formula 1, online drama, or U.S. politics—topics most of your friends seem to know about, except you.
Suddenly, anxious thoughts begin to swirl in your head:
“What do I say now?”
“Why am I feeling left out?”
“Did I do something wrong?”
This spiral of overthinking is what anxiety can feel like in social situations. Each second that passes seems to drain your confidence. You start sweating and feeling uneasy, and soon you're stuck in a loop of anxious thoughts. The fear of not knowing what to say next takes over, and before you know it, you’re mentally checked out.
Interestingly, social anxiety isn't limited to in-person interactions. It can also arise in online spaces, where interactions can feel just as overwhelming. Whether it’s the feeling of being ghosted, losing an online friendship, or not getting responses in a forum, anxiety can easily manifest in the digital world too.
Although anxiety is a normal reaction to external stress, too much of it can have a negative impact on your mental health. If it ever feels too overwhelming, seeking professional help is a healthy step to take.
My Experience with Managing Anxiety
I’ve recently faced my own battle with anxiety and am actively working on recovering my mental strength. A personal situation left me feeling disconnected, and I lost confidence in myself, both online and offline.
It all started when I met a friend through a pen pal app, where we exchanged digital letters from around the world. We eventually moved our conversations to Telegram, and everything seemed to be going well—until it wasn’t. I shared updates about my life and suggested we hang out sometime, but she never responded.
From that moment, my thoughts spiralled.
“Did I say something wrong?”
“Was it too soon to suggest hanging out?”
“Has she already ghosted me?”
The overthinking consumed me, and soon, my mental health began to suffer. It affected my ability to focus at work, and I noticed I was constantly sad and teary. Anxiety had taken full control of my thoughts.
After a while, I gave up texting altogether. I withdrew from social interactions and entered a reclusive state, feeling completely lost.
But I’m working on it. I’m slowly rebuilding my confidence, learning more about my personality, and trying to understand the dynamics of online and offline communication.
My Perspective vs. My Therapist’s Perspective on Anxiety
When it comes to managing anxiety, my approach differs from my therapist's. Personally, I tend to tackle anxiety the same way I would solve a problem at work—quickly and efficiently. I want it fixed as soon as possible. However, my therapist has helped me realise that managing anxiety is more about giving yourself space to relax and allowing other emotions to surface.
She used an analogy from Inside Out, where Joy gives Anxiety a calm space to rest while other emotions take over. This shifted my perspective. Instead of trying to "solve" anxiety immediately, I’ve learned that it’s important to let it rest and not rush the process.
She also taught me how important it is to manage the actions that follow emotions, rather than suppressing the emotions themselves. For example, when we’re angry, we might want to slam a door, but controlling that reaction can help us maintain an emotional balance. The same applies to joy, sadness, or anxiety—it's about managing how we express these emotions.
Tip 1: Recognising How Anxiety Affects the Body
In social situations, recognising anxiety can be difficult. You might be caught up in conversation, trying to stay present while your mind races with anxious thoughts. But anxiety often reveals itself through physical symptoms—like sweating, restlessness, or the urgent feeling that you need to "fix" something.
In my experience, these physical cues are the first sign of anxiety. Once I notice them, it’s important to step back and take deep breaths to regain control.
One technique I use is a simple phrase from the corporate world: O.T.O.T. (Own Time, Own Target). This reminds me that it's okay to manage anxiety at my own pace, without rushing to meet others' expectations. During one outing with friends, I tried to control my anxiety too quickly, and it only made things worse. I became quiet and withdrawn, and all I wanted to do was go home and recover.
Remember, managing anxiety isn’t about rushing—it’s about taking the time you need to feel in control again.
Tip 2: Recognising Thought Patterns in Anxious Moments
Anxiety often tricks us into thinking we need to act immediately to resolve a situation. The mind gets caught in "what if" scenarios, like: “What if I had done something differently?” or “What if this happens next?”
In hindsight, it's easier to recognise these thought patterns, but at the moment, they can seem perfectly logical. Anxiety clouds our judgement and makes us believe that our fears are rational.
For instance, the situation that I mentioned in the beginning actually happened to me. My anxiety told me to jump into the conversation with an off-topic comment, thinking it would help me fit in. It didn’t. One of my friends noticed and pointed out that I seemed anxious, which made me realise how far off-track my thoughts had gone. I was trying so hard to get involved in the conversation that I didn’t realise I was behaving out of character.
After that, I started asking my friend questions to understand how long anxiety had been driving my thoughts. Recognising these thought patterns helped me regain control and avoid letting anxiety dictate my actions. Practising deep breathing helped slow down the racing thoughts and brought me back to the present.
Tip 3: Being Open About Anxiety
It can be tough to open up about feeling anxious, especially in a group setting. Different cultures and societies have varying views on expressing emotions. In the Western world, people might be more comfortable talking about their feelings, while in Asian cultures, like where I’m from in Singapore, there’s often a fear of judgement.
However, I’ve found that being open about anxiety can be helpful. During a group conversation, when I was feeling particularly anxious, I chose to be honest with my friends. I said something like, "Hey guys, I had fun, but my anxiety is affecting me today, and I need to head home to rest."
By being honest, I reframed the situation. I treated my mental health like physical health—if you’re sick; you rest. The same applies to mental wellness. It's okay to take a break when needed.
If anxiety continues to affect you, seeking professional help is always a good option. Therapists can offer guidance and tools to better manage these feelings and build a healthier relationship with your emotions.