Dealing with the weight of heavy expectations

Managing expectations – something we all do daily whether in studies, at work, or for personal pursuits.

We tend to normalise how meeting expectations can be good for progression or for personal growth. Yet, what we don’t realise until it’s too late, is that there is a breaking point for all of us.

I was a former competitive athlete during university who also had to cope with classes, assignments, and other external responsibilities concurrently. Over time, these responsibilities that came with matching expectations became more and more burdensome. Some of them came from others around me, such as friends,  teammates, coaches, tutors, or course-mates. Most of them, however, came from my desire to take on many things and get all of them done well. 

Through the years, with the help of friends, I have been able to build a toolkit for coping with the heavy load of expectations. In technical terms, I could say this toolkit came with both the ‘hardware’ and ‘software’, forming a system of support for myself.  

With a combination of both the ‘hardware’ and ‘software’ tools, I’ve learnt to better deal with expectations (from myself and others) on a daily basis - regardless of how big or small they are. Having gone through a career switch from Cyber Security to Social Work, I’ve seen that I’ve been able to handle the transition better than expected over the past 9 months. 

Part 1: The ‘Hardware’

A ‘cheat day’ of doing nothing related to the work/studies/commitments.

For one day, usually at the end of each month, I plan a wind-down day. This could involve going on solo photography walks, café hopping, or simply just catching up with life in general. This allows my body to be less tense and present. 

I admit this can be a challenge especially once I started work without the ability to take leave days as liberally as I want. Then again, it’s all about adapting and tweaking the frequency of taking days off!

Pursue something I truly like to do

This may come off as something ironic: aren’t the commitments I’m in what I want to do?

The twist here is to look for something small but regular that breaks the rhythm of our day-to-day. Aside from the ‘cheat day’ method above, I do include other activities like sports and volunteering into my schedule. Going for archery training with friends in the evenings after work, and conducting intergenerational activities with seniors at an Active Ageing Hub have definitely helped with adding some vibrancy to each day.  In addition, having a wider social circle can be beneficial in the long run as well. 

Part 2: The ‘Software”

Breaking the ‘brick wall’ down, slowly.

I look at the myriad of expectations and commitments as a towering brick wall, which may eventually collapse if not dealt with properly. 

By understanding the priorities of various expectations, I believe I am able to better pace myself and work on meeting these expectations progressively.  I like to think of it as chipping away at the wall slowly, tearing it down bit by bit. 

Knowing what can be worked on and resolved first, can give us a sense of assurance that things are in control. 

With this, one very useful piece of advice that my coach reminded me of all the time, is to ‘Forget the past. Ignore the future. Control the present.’ 

The shift of our own mind

This relates to shifting our perspectives and mindsets towards expectations from ourselves and others. By doing so, we can then allow ourselves to better cope with the stressors of meeting expectations and avoid further negative outcomes such as burnout or physical illness. 

However, I have to admit this can be difficult to do alone. One key step to take is to have someone I trust to talk to, to share more about my thoughts and concerns. These conversations can help to shed light on another perspective and can potentially bring up solutions that I had not thought of myself. 

Needless to say, It does take time and practice to achieve this. Fret not, though, you’ll get there eventually!