How to have a date with ourselves

Being a typical young working adult in my late twenties, the daily routine of work, play and rest can lead to a sense of boredom, and at the same time, some level of stress and burnout juggling work and project commitments.

With luck, we are able to converge into each other’s lives at one point in our lives, and yet we would diverge away eventually to meet others. This cycle of convergence and divergence will then continue until our very last moment. The one constant we have is ourselves and we should strive to make ourselves the priority as much as possible, in one sense, to seek out a personal relationship with ourselves.

Learning to say ‘no’ more often, giving myself the choice to decide what to do next, reflect and be aware of what’s going on within my body and mind has been really beneficial towards healing and recharging for what life may bring ahead. 

The idea of ‘dating’ ourselves, is quite similar to how we generally do it in an actual relationship: getting to know ourselves better, spending intentional time to experience and enjoy the moments. Yes, the notion of this idea could seem foreign to us, or even daunting to be seen doing things alone. Yet, the experience of getting into this will be rewarding at the end of the day.

Learning how to be alone, both physically, and mentally

In most of the things we do, there’s a good chance that there will be at least someone else that is involved together with us. 

By intentionally creating a personal physical space, away from others, it can allow us to take the first step towards learning how to be alone. Usually, I would allocate a weekday off work or on the weekends each month, to break the routine and engage in something different.

On the mental space aspect, through the change in routine, it is helpful to clear the headspace and refresh one’s mind for new challenges ahead.

Pause and experience

Six months after starting to work full-time, getting the inertia to force in a rest day and not having any idea what to do about it proved difficult in the beginning. Realizing that there is no perfect itinerary for a rest day, I ended up doing solo café hopping in Tiong Bahru for a good 6 hours in the afternoon across 3 café spots and catching up on former President Obama’s book, A Promised Land.

Subsequent rest days (or we can now call it personal ‘dates’) proved easier to plan and commit to. Nature hikes, museum visits, going for experiential workshops, solo photo-walks around different parts of Singapore are just some more activities that I add to my plans after more than 2 years of committing to a personal relationship with myself, resting up and rediscovering things that are around me.

In addition, committing to take a step away from social media during such moments have been useful to allow me to focus on the moment and not get distracted from fast-flowing information that our phones have been able to give us these days.

With my interest in photography, especially in nature, architecture, and food, I am able to learn and improve my techniques in capturing nice angles and good moments along the way. Thereafter, making the extra effort to edit and document these photos into a digital photobook allows me to look back and recollect those moments in future.

Reflect and grow

During some of the outings, getting to meet others and striking up casual conversations over almost any topic has been really helpful in hearing different perspectives, learning new things and even getting the opportunity to explore new places together for a brief moment. In the times of not being able to travel overseas, such interactions gave me the vibes of being a tourist in my own country for a day!

As I reflect on the experiences curated by myself, as well as through the interactions with others, being on a ‘date’ alone did not seem so daunting anymore. In fact, sharing this idea with some of my peers around me has created this ripple effect where they also sought out their own solo ‘date’ journeys, being kind to themselves, reconnecting with themselves and rediscovering lost interests & passions.

I’d love to see you give it a try too!