You don't have to feel better after therapy

Have you ever ended a therapy session feeling unexpectedly lousy, or even worse than before? If so, you’re not the only one – in fact, it’s a sign of progress. In this article, we’ll take a look at why these negative emotions arise, and how we can manage them.

I remember leaving my first therapy session confused, unable to figure out why I felt simultaneously empty, sensitive, and exhausted. It was incredibly frustrating, particularly because I thought the hardest part was attending that first session in the first place. 

However, after speaking to others, I realised that these uncomfortable post-therapy feelings were a pretty common phenomenon. 

Why do I feel lousy after therapy, and should I be worried? 

Therapy necessarily entails confronting and expressing complex memories and emotions. You’re identifying these issues, unearthing their origins, and discussing coping mechanisms. That’s what makes the experience so intense and overwhelming – especially when you’re tackling stuff that you’ve repressed, feel guilty about, and/or are sharing for the first time. They indicate that you’re beginning to process these difficult things. 

Think about it as an ‘emotional hangover’: your past emotional experiences have induced physiological and internal responses. The journey requires making challenging discoveries that will help your recovery, even if these stepping stones initially leave you feeling weird or uncomfortable. To motivate yourself, you should look forward to the lows decreasing in frequency and severity, and other long-term improvements in your relationships, outlook, and so on. 

How can I cope with these negative feelings? 

1. Have a pre- and post-therapy buffer period 

Being fully engaged in therapy involves an insular departure from ‘normal life’, where we move away from the everyday to look inwards. It can therefore be jarring to return immediately to ‘normal life’, and may cause sentiments of dislocation or distress. 

Try creating a buffer period before and after therapy. This could look like being 10 minutes early to settle down and prepare yourself for the session. Afterwards, dedicate half an hour to ‘me time’: grab a coffee or walk to your next destination to give yourself the space you need to readjust.

2. Engage in self-care 

Carving out time to look after yourself is a really effective and worthwhile distraction. Don’t forget the basics: eat regular and healthy meals, get some exercise and vitamin D, and catch up on sleep. Doing things you love will help you begin to reconnect with yourself. 

Another way to process what’s happened and how you feel is to pen down your thoughts and emotions. It’ll enable you to acknowledge and reflect on these, and serves as a log to document your progress, too.

3. Speak to your therapist about it

Your therapist is there to offer support and talk through your experiences, be it by affirming the normalcy of how you feel, or considering alternative approaches that may be less debilitating. 

However, if you consistently feel worse with no improvement over a prolonged period, that may suggest that the treatment approach or your therapist is not right for you. In that case, speak to a trusted person to get an objective view of what your next steps should be. 

It’s okay to feel worse after therapy – what’s more important is that you keep going. 

Therapy isn’t a magic antidote, and progress is never linear. Be kind to yourself on this difficult but rewarding recovery journey: give yourself credit for having the courage to seek help in the first place, and allocate the time and space you need to heal and grow. You’ve got this!